


Redshift

by wankernumber9



Series: Harmonices Mundi [6]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Continued AU, Established Thasmin, F/F, Referenced past Doctor/River Song, Series 12 is clobbering my headcanon we die like warriors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22766254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wankernumber9/pseuds/wankernumber9
Summary: She'd discovered an unexpected ease alongside the Doctor, a matched cadence that kept them aligned and in tune. It didn't hurt that they could nip off for other adventures in between their scheduled outings with Graham and Ryan. And when she did stop at home, time had carried on like normal, but she was further changed with every trip.It felt... strange. Time stretched in front of Yaz in tantalizing promise, offering knowledge and growth and exploration, and the company of the brilliant, mad woman beside her.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Series: Harmonices Mundi [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1235435
Comments: 25
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the next story in the AU [Harmonices Mundi](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1235435), or "Harmony of the World." It would probably help to have the context from that series, but here's a quick rundown:
> 
> 1\. [Quantum Entanglement](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262755), wherein Yaz and the Doctor sit still and flirt a bit.  
> 2\. [Small Creatures](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17487122), with a meddling TARDIS and a Doctor who starts to tell her story.  
> 3\. [Hearts That Endure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589713), in which there is danger and impossible decisions and Yaz being awesome.  
> 4\. [Dance Upon the Mountains Like a Flame](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762423), where adventure happens, Yaz gets even more awesome, and also romantic payoff.  
> 5\. [Two Solitudes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18378209), the conclusion to the adventure, but not to Thasmin romance.
> 
> This first chapter is wildly self-indulgent and fluffy. Sorry not sorry. :)

"Think we missed Park Hill," Yaz said wryly, as she stepped out of the TARDIS. "Again."

The Doctor peeked out after her. "So we have. The sensors _were_ a touch wonky, there." She hurried to catch up with Yaz, who was already wandering about. 

"I wonder what she's found," Yaz murmured, with perfect trust in the TARDIS' intentions.

"I do hope it's an adventure. Been _ages_ since we've had a proper adventure."

"And by 'ages,' you mean 'a day or two,'" Yaz countered, giving her a knowing look.

"Psh. That didn't count."

"Finding _Atlantis_ didn't count?!"

"What's to find? It was right where I left it." The Doctor had stopped walking, and had her hands propped on her hips in evident consternation. 

They were in a large, wooden cabin, facing an enormous window open to a forest in winter. The cabin interior was liberally covered in soft surfaces, and snow outside fell gently, parted by the gentle rush of a winding river. It was...

"Awfully dull," the Doctor complained. She looked back to Yaz, with an expectant look that demanded validation.

Yaz made a thoughtful face. "I think it's pretty," she said.

The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver, and waved it about for a quick scan. "Natroka, lesser renaissance," she declared, then gave Yaz a nod. "Brilliant lot, the Natrokans. Nearly went extinct after the _greater_ renaissance. A stray comet crossed the planet's orbit. Would have been quite catastrophic."

"Let me guess. You redirected the comet."

The Doctor shrugged. "What's a mathematically-impossible gravitational field to modify interplanetary object trajectory between friends?"

She looked over to see Yaz was smiling at her, in that gentle, warm way that made her insides go squishy. The Doctor blushed, stammered for a moment, then just went silent to minimize the damage.

"Well, it's a lovely place," Yaz said. "Maybe we could stay for awhile."

The Doctor blew out a raspberry noise while she considered the notion. "Nah," she decided. "Some other time." She turned back to the TARDIS and stepped inside, then frowned when she noticed it had dropped into low power mode. She got to the console and pressed a few buttons.

Yaz peered in from the door, framed by the bright snowy landscape behind her. "What's wrong?" she called.

"The secondary reactor servos are offline," the Doctor murmured. "Regular maintenance," she explained. "Didn't need it for another dozen years, though." She stood back from the console and eyed her ship with a skeptical look. "What are you on about?" she asked.

Yaz watched her fuss at the ship, and folded her arms in satisfaction. "She probably thinks you need a vacation."

"Wot? Ridiculous."

"And I think this place might be yours."

"Mine?" the Doctor asked. She followed Yaz's lead back out of the ship, and spotted the mural on the far wall, which the TARDIS helpfully translated. "'For the Doctor, who may always find refuge on Natroka,'" she quoted. "Well isn't that just lovely? Must be the 'reward' they promised." She pointed out the window to a mountain peak barely visible through the trees. "Which would make _that_ Mount Tulasanor, one of the most sacred spots in this galaxy. Said to be a point of focus and inspiration for millennia. They don't let regular tourists wander up here, only natives and friends of Natroka." 

She looked around with new appreciation, but ultimately reached the same conclusion as before. "It _is_ nice. But still awfully dull."

"Can't we stay a bit?" Yaz asked. "The boys still won't notice we're away if we go back right after we left. Right?"

"Just you and me? Here?"

"It's romantic," Yaz observed. She took a turn into what looked like a kitchen. "And someone has clearly been maintaining this place. It's clean, and that looks like fresh fruit."

"The Natrokans _are_ quite hospitable," the Doctor murmured. She set off on several distracted laps around the cabin interior, prattling about the general era, the nearby galactic politics, and the craftsmanship of the local sentients, all of which explained this rather charming building, tucked into the foothills below a sacred mountain peak. She drew to a stop in front of Yaz, who was watching her with a patient look. "Sorry. Just realized - you said 'romantic.'"

Yaz nodded. "Do you remember, months ago, when you told me that our matter harmonizes?"

"I remember hoping you wouldn't think I was a creepy old man," the Doctor admitted with a grimace.

Yaz exhaled a tiny laugh. "Little chance of that," she replied. "I think I'd like to sit still with you, just for a bit. Is that all right?"

It took a long moment, but the Doctor's expression changed, softening to something only Yaz got to see. "Oh," she said, quietly. "I'd like that," she admitted.

Yaz cocked her head toward the kitchen. "Care to have a scan and see if the food is okay for humans? Then I'll make a cup of whatever passes for tea, and you can find the best spot to snuggle and watch the snow."

"Just like that?"

"It does seem to be your house, and the TARDIS does seem inclined to make you stay." Yaz shrugged. "We might as well enjoy it."

The Doctor gave her a delighted look, then bounced closer to plant a quick kiss on Yaz's cheek. "Sitting still sounds like ever so much more fun the way you do it." She set off to check the kitchen, leaving Yaz alone in the living room with the TARDIS.

Yaz patted the blue box and smiled. "Nicely done," she murmured.

* * *

All told, it took about half an hour to scout out the building, catalog the available provisions, and retrieve a few extra treats from the TARDIS' galley.

Which is how they found themselves curled together on a low cushion, watching the sun set in dramatic crimson beams across Mount Tulasanor, while sipping tea and snacking on biscuits.

Yaz grinned in satisfaction and bumped against the Doctor. "See? This is brilliant," she said.

"It absolutely _is_ ," the Doctor agreed, with an expansive gesture that launched biscuit crumbs across the room. "And if I remember rightly..." she continued, muttering. She fished into her pocket for her sonic screwdriver, then keyed it and waved it over their heads, triggering the acoustic transparency setting that let in the sounds of the rushing river, and the creak of the frozen woods about them.

Yaz closed her eyes, trying to soak in every sensation around her. It was just the latest of remarkable moments in a catalog of truly amazing experiences she'd had since that fateful night in Sheffield, but she wanted to keep it sharp and fresh in her mind.

She'd discovered an unexpected ease alongside the Doctor, a matched cadence that kept them aligned and in tune. It didn't hurt that they could nip off for other adventures in between their scheduled outings with Graham and Ryan. And when she did stop at home, time had carried on like normal, but she was further changed with every trip.

It felt... strange. Time stretched in front of Yaz in tantalizing promise, offering knowledge and growth and exploration, and the company of the brilliant, mad woman beside her. 

"Thinking again," the Doctor observed in a murmur. She watched with a fond look as Yaz shifted, kneeling before her.

Yaz held her gaze as she stripped off her jacket. "Thinking about you," she breathed, as she slowly leaned in to pull the Doctor into a kiss that quickly turned heated.

The Doctor tilted backward, gentle hands at Yaz's back guiding her carefully along, as their lips crashed together.

The Doctor's long coat proved quite inhibiting, and she hummed and broke away to try and get it off her shoulders, out from under her, away from her wrists, all of which led to a bit of undignified flapping and a tangled mess of clothing. She was rescued by a patiently amused Yaz, who dispatched the coat and pushed the Doctor's braces down for good measure before claiming another kiss.

"You know what's amazing?" the Doctor asked, breathlessly. "This spot." She let her hand slide across Yaz's hip, quite enjoying the soft slope that felt like it was _made_ to exist under her fingers. "Right here."

Yaz pulled away, just far enough to pull her jumper over her head, then took the Doctor's hands and placed them back on her hips, this time directly on warm, soft skin.

The Doctor froze, and she watched Yaz with eyes gone deep and dark with arousal. "Oh, that's loads better."

Yaz snorted. "Been meaning to ask... any extra parts I need to know about?"

"Like what?"

"You have two hearts, an ecto-spleen.., anything else a typical human might not be expecting, if she got under all those layers of clothing?"

The question was harder to answer than it should have been, as the Doctor's senses blazed in keen awareness of Yaz's scent and warmth, and the delightful curves still obscured by her pale pink bra. Slowly, the Doctor's brain processed the intent of the question, and she chuckled. "Oh, like my ovapositor, so I can lay eggs in your lung tissue."

Yaz reared away, giving her an entirely unimpressed look. The Doctor immediately regretted every glib comment she'd ever uttered, and started babbling.

"Wee joke, that. Sorry. Nervous. Not nervous. Just... _really_ stupid and wishing you would come back over here." She cleared her throat and rallied to find a coherent answer. "No exotic sexual parts, so far as humans are concerned. Fairly sure you'd be able to find your way around. If... you were so inclined."

"I am," Yaz said, her gaze heated and intense. "Are you?"

The Doctor swallowed, hard, and nodded. "Really a lot."

At that, Yaz's eyes lit up in that twinkly, wondrous way that made everything absolutely brilliant, and she slowly maneuvered back into the Doctor's reach. "I love you," Yaz said, with quiet conviction, as she bumped their foreheads together.

As tended to happen, Yaz being Yaz derailed the frenetic overwork of the Doctor's brain, leaving her with a pure moment of clarity. "I love _you_ ," the Doctor replied, then let herself focus on mapping those amazing curves in detail.

* * *

Hours later, they'd found some blankets and the controls to open the cabin's ceiling to the sky above, and they lay together, chatting mildly and trading gentle caresses.

Eventually the Doctor's attention wandered. Her bare skin shimmered in the moonlight, further exposed as the covers fell away while she propped herself up on her elbows and cast her gaze to the sky above.

"The storm's getting started," the Doctor murmured.

Stretched out lazily beside her, Yaz smiled, but made absolutely no effort to move. "Tell me about it," she murmured.

"That comet I mentioned earlier? Every hundred years or so the planet passes through the remnants of its tail. Quite a display." The Doctor smiled up at the cosmos, content to be an observer of its wonder for the night. "That comet changed galactic history, yannow."

Yaz hummed. "Did the comet change galactic history, or did the mad woman in the blue box?"

The Doctor squinted, thinking about it. "Hard to say, really. Bit of both? Causality isn't always straightforward." She looked over to Yaz. "You're missing the show."

Yaz grinned, then re-settled on her back and turned her gaze upward. True to the Doctor's prediction, the sky promptly lit with bright streaks of ice and rock burning brightly against the atmosphere. The spectacle was magnificent in an overwhelming way, and she found herself holding her breath.

Beside her, the Doctor had gone quiet for so long Yaz suspected she might have fallen asleep. She looked over in time to see bright eyes turn back her way.

Yaz reached over, out from under the covers, to chafe the Doctor's arm, warming the chilled skin. The Doctor smiled at her, but didn't say anything.

"All right over there?" Yaz asked.

The Doctor nodded. "Just... feeling so many things," she murmured.

"Like what?" Yaz asked gently.

The Doctor's eyes shone with immediate tears, and she shook her head a little. "Didn't know this was a thing I could have. I'd stopped hoping there would be someone like you, who could make me part of an 'us.'"

Yaz sighed, and shifted a bit closer. In an abstract way, she'd known the amount of emotional risk the Doctor had undertaken just for the sake of trying to be that "us," but she could still see the fear in every fidgety movement, every nervous stammer. To know that the Doctor chose to take the leap despite that burden...

"You make my heart hurt," Yaz whispered.

"Well, not to one up you, but I literally have twice as many hearts," the Doctor said, turning to look at Yaz with the tiniest grin that made her eyes dance. "And you make _both_ of them hurt. Therefore, I win."

Yaz nodded in thoughtful agreement. "Basic maths."

The Doctor kissed her, then settled in to watch the cosmos celebrate above.

* * *

The next morning, Yaz excused herself to take advantage of the remarkable Natrokan bathing room, and emerged much later feeling utterly energized by fragrant bubbles. She found the Doctor in the kitchen, looking rather disheveled. Her shirt was on inside-out, her pants weren't quite done up right, and she wore a single sock. 

"You were wondering about a caretaker," the Doctor said as Yaz wandered in. "One stopped by while you were in the shower."

"Oh?"

"Lovely Natrokan gent. Bit high strung."

"Were you..."

"Starkers? Yeah, a bit."

Yaz winced in sympathy.

"Anyway, he promised to knock, next time."

Yaz chuckled and pressed a kiss to the Doctor's cheek, which was definitely a bit pinker than usual. "Mind a quick lesson?" she asked, holding up her notebook and the Doctor's journal, which she'd been using for Gallifreyan grammar lessons.

The Doctor rallied her wits and settled in to listen to Yaz's progress, and occasionally coach her vocabulary. Once Yaz was deep into practicing reproducing characters, the Doctor popped off for her own bath, and emerged feeling a great deal fresher.

Yaz held up her notebook for inspection. "Is that brilliant or what?"

The Doctor squinted at the shaky glyphs, then gave Yaz a confused look. "Um."

"I was trying to write 'I love you,'" Yaz said, with the tiniest pout.

"Ah," the Doctor said. "Well, it _actually_ says, 'I have an alligator in my trousers.' Which is _nearly_ the same thing."

"Right," Yaz said, annoyed. She snapped her notebook shut and turned back to the Doctor's diary. "Enough vocabulary for the day. What's the next verb tense? The one you've been avoiding?"

"I haven't _avoided_ it," the Doctor retorted. "I just don't _like_ it. It's depressing."

"Saudade," Yaz declared, as she found a reference in the Doctor's journal. "'Missingness.'"

"'Depressingness,'" the Doctor countered. "I try not to linger in that state of mind."

"Which is _definitely_ good for the mental health of an alien who can live so many lives her people need an entire reference of time for regret," Yaz said dryly, as she carefully redrew her alligator phrase, representing the change in tense with shifted glyphs, and added characters implying decline and decay. She held up her work for the Doctor to evaluate, and practiced again and again based on her careful tutelage.

Several iterations later, the alligator had achieved profound nostalgia and longing, and Yaz had recognized another familiar pattern. "I've seen this before," she realized. She flipped through the Doctor's journal to find the page she remembered, and studied the glyphs to decipher the statement. "Water, I think? And it's moving."

"'The only water in the forest is the river,'" the Doctor quoted. Then she started. "Wait. Why did you say that?"

Yaz blinked back at her. "I didn't. You did, just now. And in your diary." She held up the page in question. "In that tense."

The Doctor took a slow breath, and let her gaze wander to some unfocused middle distance. "Oh." She set down her tea, and planted her hand on the counter, spreading her fingers to brace herself. 

"Your wife's name was River," Yaz observed quietly.

The Doctor nodded.

"You can talk about her, if you like," Yaz continued, in a gentle, coaxing voice.

"Thank you," the Doctor said, with a wistful smile. "But I don't know exactly what to say. She was so... different." _Than you_ , went unsaid. She let herself ponder that for a moment. Where Yaz soothed her, River had whipped her into a frenzy. Both outcomes were brilliant, but she wasn't sure her how her current self would have adapted to an anti-Yaz. "You would have liked her. Or maybe arrested her. Or both," she said wryly. "She tended to make trouble."

"About that," Yaz said, rather hesitant. "I think I met her."

The Doctor went very still.

"A couple inches taller than I am, wild curly hair?" Yaz continued, holding up a hand slightly above her own eye level. "In the market on Borix Seven, leaving graffiti about the Oncoming Storm. I wasn't sure if I should tell you. Your diary said something about catastrophic timeline collapse..."

She went silent, watching and waiting for some kind of reaction.

Eventually the Doctor sighed. "I can't say I'm even surprised," she said, with evident exhaustion. In a single moment, she suddenly looked every bit the ancient alien she actually was.

Yaz reached over and took the Doctor's hand. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"What for?" the Doctor asked. "You aren't out rewriting the laws of time for your own amusement. That infuriating, _meddlesome_ woman. She knew better."

"Probably," Yaz said. "But she loved you enough to do it anyway. I can't be angry about that."

" _I_ can," the Doctor muttered. She sighed and raked her hair out of her face. "I'm sorry, Yaz. This isn't exactly fair to you. It's all a bit hard to explain. She was a traveler, like me. Born of brilliant humans and time itself. She was _unique_."

"Did she create the paradox that made me... like this?" Yaz asked in a tiny voice.

"No," the Doctor said immediately, but then she thought better of it. "At least, that's not really how it works. You can't just _make_ time do a thing. You can influence coincidences over time. Eventually it's not really a coincidence anymore, because you've rigged the outcome."

"So she _did_ arrange those events."

The Doctor opened her mouth to argue, then pursed her lips in frustration. She scrubbed her face with her hand. "Of all the risky, irresponsible..." She stood, still muttering, and stomped off into the TARDIS.

Yaz let her brood for a couple hours before seeking her out at sunset. She stepped into the TARDIS, ready to delve into the darkness to find the Doctor in one of the libraries, or tucked in the corner of the beanbag room. Instead, the other woman sat on the steps alongside the console, with her arms propped against spread knees and her head drooping at a dejected angle.

When Yaz sat at her side, the Doctor leaned gently against her, as if to apologize. Yaz wrapped an arm around her and propped her chin on the Doctor's shoulder.

Eventually the Doctor heaved a massive sigh, disengaged from Yaz's gentle embrace, and pushed to her feet. She offered her hand to help Yaz stand, then held out her other hand in question.

"May I show you something?" she asked. "You absolutely _must_ feel free to decline."

Yaz hadn't experienced the Doctor's touch telepathy since the festival at Aurora, when she'd shared the horror of the Time War. She nodded, her eyes wide in anticipation, and waited for gentle fingertips to land on her forehead.

It was an image, a sound, little more than a teasing impression. There were trees, and an indistinguishable sound carried on the gentle breeze...

The Doctor broke the contact, watching Yaz carefully.

"What was that?" Yaz breathed.

"It's a memory I shouldn't have," the Doctor said, in an uncertain voice.

"I don't understand," Yaz replied.

"Nor do I," the Doctor said. She shoved her hands into her pants pockets and rocked on her feet a bit. "But it 'showed up' after we visited the market on Borix Seven."

"Oh," Yaz said. She untangled the implications in her head and sighed. "So you think River _did_ break the timeline."

"Not broken. Definitely bent," the Doctor countered. She reached out and poked at a couple buttons on the console Yaz secretly figured weren't actually connected to any TARDIS parts.

Yaz reached for that wandering hand, and gave it a squeeze. "We can't leave and chase that down yet, right?" she asked. When the Doctor shook her head, Yaz tugged her gently toward the door. "So come watch the end of the meteor shower with me. One more night, together."

The Doctor followed, pensive and morose, until Yaz leaned back in to whisper in her ear. "Help me with the alligator in my trousers?"

At that, the Doctor snorted out a surprised laugh, and let herself be led back into the twilight.

* * *

Another vibrant night, then the arrival of another quiet morning found the two women watching the snow with cups of cocoa. The early day felt fragile, tenuous, and few words passed between them as they waited.

The Natrokan sun was still low in the sky when the TARDIS door popped open with a squeak. Both women turned to look, and could see the raised lighting within, indicating the power was back to normal.

Yaz sighed, set her mug down, and shoved her hands into her pockets. "Well. That's that, then."

"Looks like." The Doctor nodded, then frowned. "Wait. What are we sad about?"

"The end of this." Yaz shrugged, a little embarrassed. "When I was a kid, my parents would take us on holiday by the seaside, and I would always cry when it was time to go home." She rolled her eyes at herself and sniffled a bit. "I loved this," she said. "I loved having you to myself and being with you."

The Doctor put a gentle hand to her cheek and leaned in close. "Ah, my beautiful Yaz. This isn't an ending."

She took Yaz's hand, pulled her to the biggest window, then waved off the acoustic filter.

Immediately they were surrounded by the sound of rushing water, and falling snow, and the frozen creak of the tall, ancient trees. Slowly, the Doctor tugged Yaz closer, until they were flush against each other. She slid one hand to the small of Yaz's back, the other wandering upward to stroke gentle fingers across Yaz's cheek. After a long moment, she leaned in, unsurprised when Yaz met her halfway for a slow, deep kiss that the Doctor felt down to her toes.

When she broke away, she emitted a tiny groan, blinking owlishly at Yaz, who only smiled back at her.

"I daresay this place will travel with us," the Doctor murmured. "I know I'll never forget it."

Yaz chuckled. "Charmer."

The Doctor shook her head, dismissing the notion that she was in any way exaggerating. "There are fixed points in time... vital to the fabric of the universe. This... is a fixed point in _me_. You, Yasmin Khan, here."

At that, Yaz heaved an unsteady breath, and blinked away tears. "I love you," she declared.

"I love _you_ ," the Doctor replied, warm and sure. "We can come back here anytime."

Yaz nodded. "But we can't come back here _this_ time," she said, with sad understanding, hearkening back to the grammar lesson, and the sadness of a traveler in time shedding loved people and experiences, over and over.

"No, next time will be different. But isn't that just amazing? One of my favorite things about linear time, really. You always get to experience people and places differently, moment to moment, because everything is always changing just a little bit at a time."

Yaz sighed, feeling herself swept up in the Doctor's enthusiasm despite her own melancholy. "What will next time be like, d'ya reckon?"

"Well, you'll be older but you won't look it, wiser, and somehow more beautiful than ever. Right now I'm thinking how absolutely amazing you are, and that I couldn't possibly be more in love with you, and next time I'll realize I was wrong, and that it's possible to exceed myself every day."

Yaz grinned. "I'll think about how lucky I am that I found you, and that you let me wander the universe with you."

The Doctor smiled, and cocked her elbow to Yaz. "Shall we, until next time?"

"Until next time," Yaz agreed. She took the Doctor's arm, wiped away a couple stray tears, and they set off in search of missing memories and undiscovered adventure.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fam visits a world with secrets, and Yaz runs into her partner's time traveling wife. As you do.

"So, what have you been up to?" Najia asked, eyeing her daughter over tea.

Yaz had mentally rehearsed this conversation, and broke out her most innocent smile, the one she'd always used to deflect parental interrogation when Sonya tried to get her in trouble. "Oh, you know. Exploring a bit. Nothing interesting."

"But you two are..." 

"Partners," Yaz said, forestalling any doubt. "Like I told you."

Najia squinted at her, then turned her gaze to the Doctor, who started, then looked around a bit, trying to figure out how to arrange her facial features. She settled on an awkward half-grimace that displayed way too much of her teeth.

"I'm really happy, Mum," Yaz added quietly. She tucked her hand into the crook of the Doctor's arm and tugged her closer. The Doctor looked over, and her face immediately transformed to a soft, genuine smile.

Najia exhaled a tiny snort into her tea, and shook her head. "And you, Doctor? Are you happy?"

Neither the Doctor nor Yaz had expected that question, and it somehow pushed them both right past the lingering discomfort of the meeting. "More than I can say," the Doctor replied candidly, meeting Najia's gaze with steady intent. "Your daughter is extraordinary."

Yaz rolled her eyes and bumped against the Doctor with a shy noise of objection.

"Good answer," Najia said.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon in Sheffield passed in a mild familial blur before they jogged back to the TARDIS under drizzly skies to wait for their scheduled meetup with Ryan and Graham.

"She likes you," Yaz declared, as she shut the TARDIS door behind her.

The Doctor twirled and attempted a perch on the console, then promptly slid off. "I am _very_ charming," she said with a nod. "No, wait. The other one. _Awkward_. Very, very that." She winced a bit. "Hope I wasn't entirely rubbish."

"She _likes_ you," Yaz said again. She stepped closer, and took hold of the Doctor's lapel. "Of course, it doesn't hurt that you're completely besotted with me."

"Not _completely_ ," the Doctor countered, with a scoff. "Ninety-eight percent." She pulled out her sonic, waited for Yaz's nod of permission, then did her usual daily scan.

Yaz watched the Doctor's face as she eyed the results - which were the same as every day previous. Her cells were stable, her condition unchanged. Yaz continued to live in a strange, prolonged sort of limbo, and while she had reasonably adapted her new state, the Doctor seemed on the perpetual edge of worry, as if her current happiness might slip away at any moment. 

Conveniently, the Doctor was _also_ easily distracted.

Yaz plucked the sonic from the Doctor's hand, carefully tucked it back in its preferred pocket, then leaned in with a slow smile. "Gonna have to work on that two percent," Yaz murmured, before meeting the Doctor's lips with her own. She felt the Doctor smile, and shifted closer, letting her hands wander.

A sharp exclamation of surprise from the door drove them apart. 

"Aaahhh, my eyes!" Ryan called. He clapped his hand across his face and stumbled across the TARDIS threshold. "Couldn't you hang a sock on the door or something?"

Graham chuckled and closed the door behind them. "All right, Yaz, Doc?" he greeted amiably. "Sorry if we're a bit early. Kept busy without us?"

"Yeah, we did," the Doctor replied, before Yaz could reuse her practiced, bland, parental-figure-friendly response. "We saw Atlantis, met up with all _three_ of my dear friends named Smitty, then shagged under a sacred meteor shower."

Ryan tripped, and bounced face-first off one of the primary control pillars.

"Oh, that dyspraxia playing up again? Terribly sorry," the Doctor murmured. She gave Yaz a grin and a twitchy facial contortion that might have been a wink.

Yaz put her hands to her face, acutely aware of the flaming blush staining her cheeks. "How have you been?" she asked loudly, at a snickering Graham and a bruised Ryan.

"Not nearly as occupied as you lot, I'd say," Graham declared. "Did you leave any adventure for the rest of us?"

"Defo!" the Doctor crowed. "There's still the robot plague in the Whirlpool Galaxy."

Ryan rubbed his forehead and squinted. "That sounds..."

"Terrible. That sounds _terrible_ ," Graham complained. "You really went to Atlantis?"

"It was brilliant," Yaz confirmed.

"And we couldn't just pop back to check it out?"

"Can't cross our own timeline, Graham. Would be catastrophic. Also really boring. We were _just_ there," the Doctor said, with an admonishing look.

"And the only thing left to do in the universe is..." Ryan said.

"... help sick robots," the Doctor said. "Yes. Did you bring your wellies? Sick robots tend to get a bit messy."

Yaz watched them all in amusement, then hit the TARDIS pedal for her favorite biscuit.

Graham looked to his grandson and sighed. "I suppose... those robots probably need some help, eh?"

Ryan shrugged.

The Doctor gave Yaz a nod. "Ready, PC Khan?"

Yaz took position at the console, grabbed hold of a lever, and grinned. "Ready."

At that, Ryan clutched the nearest pillar in reflexive alarm.

Graham was a little slower on the uptake. "Uh. Is Yaz driving, then?" he asked.

"She's been practicing," the Doctor explained. She lurched across the deck when Yaz threw the lever, dropping them abruptly into the time vortex. "Doing great, Yaz!" she yelled, flashing a thumbs-up before returning to a two-handed grip on the console.

"We're gonna die," Ryan moaned, as he tried desperately to keep his lunch down.

Yaz paid him no mind as she circled the console, flipped switches at the Doctor's prompting, then backtracked to the handbrake. "Hold on!" she yelled, with a wicked, wild grin.

The TARDIS slammed to a halt that knocked Graham and Ryan to the floor.

"Oh my days," Graham murmured.

Ryan flopped onto his back and tossed an arm across his face. "Are we dead?"

Yaz cackled in delight and more than a bit of excess adrenaline. She bounced in place, then tried to remember the order of everything she was supposed to shut down. The yellow switch, the red dial...

The Doctor stumbled over to help the boys to their feet. "Stop being so dramatic," she admonished. "Hardly worse than one of your manual transmissions. Bet Graham wasn't that great at driving that bus of his when _he_ first started."

"They have exams for that kind of thing, and we were _very_ discouraged from leaving the ground," Graham grumbled. He took a moment dusting himself off, using the delay as a pretense to watch Yaz, who still had a slightly manic look in her eye.

"Let's go!" Yaz cried. She grabbed Ryan by the arm and dragged him to the TARDIS door, leaving Graham and the Doctor behind.

The Doctor chuckled, and flipped the few stray switches Yaz forgot in her enthusiasm. She grinned at the question plainly written on Graham's face. "Can't blame her a bit," she murmured. "It really _is_ pretty exhilarating those first few times." She patted the console in a soothing way, and Graham wasn't sure if he imagined the electronic twitter of relief as the ship settled.

He nodded. "So, robot plague then?"

"Maybe." She turned on a monitor, and pointed to the image of a planet that didn't seem to fully resolve. "Or _maybe_ a planet wobbling in an out of temporal phase, that's sending ripples across this galaxy. The TARDIS has been keen on it for weeks, now." She nodded and studied the readouts in satisfaction. "Looks like we caught it at high tide. Gold star to Yaz."

"No plague?"

The Doctor waved off the question. "Already took care of that. Hope you don't mind. Right nasty thing."

Graham chuckled. "You were having a go at us."

"Totally," she said, with a conspiratorial grin. "It was Yaz's idea."

He followed her lead toward the door, but paused, and gave her a serious look. "Say, Doc... Ryan and I. Are we just extra wheels, now? 'Cause I don't want us to cramp your style or anything."

"Graham O'Brien," the Doctor said sternly. "Don't be ridiculous. You're _fam_! My partner and my fam." She took a moment to savor that statement with profound satisfaction, and grinned. "That's brilliant, innit?"

Graham softened a bit at that. "Yeah, I guess it is."

* * *

For a planet that was out of temporal phase, it really didn't look that special. The TARDIS had materialized in an alley off a busy town square. Despite to her earlier enthusiasm, Yaz hung back at the periphery of the bustling activity and just watched.

Ryan watched, too, but quickly grew impatient. "What are we looking for?"

It all looked quaint. It all _looked_ old fashioned and a bit archaic, like a sanitized version of Victorian London. That part had caught Yaz's attention more than anything - it was remarkably tidy.

She spotted a flash of light in a shop window and leaned in closer. It was, by all appearances, a tailor shop, but the cloth was being fused by a tool emitting some kind of energy. She lifted a hand against a nearby wall, and felt the cool solidity of advanced composites. The fruit vendor across the way was pushing a cart that hovered almost silently a foot off the ground. 

The Doctor materialized at her side, leaning slightly into her. "Anachronistic tech. Interesting."

Ryan scowled. "So they're more techy than they look?" he muttered. "That's dodgy. Like they're playing pretend."

"Not inherently nefarious, on its own," the Doctor replied. "Sometimes that's just a matter of cultural preference."

"Do you think they know their planet is acting weird?" Graham asked.

"Hard to say," the Doctor said.

Yaz heard the edge in her voice, and eyed her in concern.

A bright, small voice came from their left. "Are you travelers?"

The Doctor turned and smiled down at a young girl who was eyeing them in plain curiosity. "We are. I'm the Doctor, this is Yaz, Graham, and Ryan."

"I'm Frehil. We were waiting for you to come talk, but I got bored. Where did you travel from?"

"Oh, you know. The North," the Doctor replied, with a vague, mysterious gesture.

Frehil giggled, then promptly bolted when another voice called for her.

"'The North?'" Graham repeated.

"Lot of planets have a North," the Doctor said drolly, as she stepped out into the square. "C'mon then, best introduce ourselves properly."

Yaz grinned at Ryan, who chuckled back at her obvious enthusiasm. "Good to have you along again," she said, before she jogged after the Doctor.

Ryan shoved his hands into his pockets and looked over at his grandfather. "Is this all weird?" he asked. "Seems weird. Didn't they say something about robots?"

"No robots," Graham replied. "But did you see? Yaz is worried."

Ryan sighed. He thought he'd been imagining it. "Right. And now _I'm_ worried," he muttered, before letting himself get drawn into the crowd of friendly locals.

* * *

The mark of good hospitality, Graham had decided, was offering your guests a proper sandwich.

He munched away happily on something the Doctor likened to marmite, and listened while the local elders formally welcomed them to their town.

"It is rare for us to meet those we have not known before," the mayor, a woman named Chene, said with a measured look. "But these are extraordinary times."

Graham perked up a bit, and hurried to swallow his snack. "Oh? Why do you say that?"

"Our world is unwell," Chene said. "And our scientists cannot uncover why."

Out of the corner of his eye, Graham saw the Doctor subtly hand off her sonic screwdriver to Yaz, who then excused herself from the room by ducking out behind Ryan.

The Doctor leaned in. "We're here to help," she said, with that fervent confidence that always made Graham feel a bit lighter. "Tell us what you can."

* * *

Once outside again, Yaz squinted into the fading alien sunlight. For a world that was unwell, life in this town seemed to continue in placid routine. She headed toward a wide thoroughfare that aimed straight away from the town center, and started walking. Along the way, she pulled out the sonic to scan the air, the plant life, and the occasional tame animal that wandered up to sniff her curiously.

The TARDIS had alerted them to this world as if it were a new anomaly in space, a planet that had suddenly sprung into existence in a galaxy far from Earth. The Doctor hadn't been overly fussed about the discovery at the time, but Yaz could see her growing tension as the mystery slowly unfolded, risking the million lives scattered over the planet's surface.

Yaz was fully in investigator mode, seeking evidence to bring back to help the Doctor save this place. On instinct, she kept following the road, even as it narrowed and wound up a steep hill. She assumed the route was used to transport some kind of natural resources, and figured she'd discover some kind of mine or quarry at the end.

Instead, the road ended abruptly ahead of her, in jagged pieces that hung unnaturally in open air. Yaz gasped, and jogged up to get a closer look. She slowed at the edge of a massive, sheer drop where an unfathomably huge segment of the ground had sheered away and collapsed into an abyss below. She waved the sonic over the edge and tried to estimate the energy that such an event would have released.

Despite the evidence of profound instability, the hill felt still and silent, as if the entire world was holding its breath in anticipation of something terrible. It was unsettling, to say the least. Yaz backed away carefully, and made her way back into town.

She stopped at a place that looked like a cafe, with small tables arranged under rotating solar shades. As she sat, a young man immediately emerged with a cup of rich, dark liquid and plunked it down in front of her.

"Sorry, I don't have any money," Yaz said in apology. He looked at her like she was profoundly dim, and she felt the need to elaborate. "I'm a traveler, just visiting this place," she added.

"These people have no concept of currency," said a woman who swooped in and perched elegantly across the table from Yaz. "They barter, or they simply offer their wares in anticipation of eventual reciprocity." She beamed at the young man as he set another cup in front of her.

Yaz stared at the woman, with her curly hair and knowing eyes, and felt a strange mix of wonder and dread bloom in her stomach. "You're her, aren't you? River Song?"

River smiled lazily, and raised her cup in a toast. "I am."

Yaz felt like she needed to run, but was somehow frozen in place. "The Doctor says this is really dangerous."

"Oh, he's right."

" _She_ says you're endangering the entire universe."

River tilted her head in acknowledgment, and gave Yaz a piercing look. " _She_ should ask herself why I would ever do such a thing." She paused, and took a sip of her drink, with a gesture for Yaz to do the same. "I last saw you in a market on Borix Seven."

Yaz blinked. "Right, the same for me."

"Oh, that's interesting," River said. She tugged a battered blue book out of her satchel, and flipped through it. "Almost never manage to do this in the right order. So, how's immortality going for you?"

Yaz winced. "How do you know about that, anyway?"

"You met a time agent, right?" River watched Yaz nod. "She was chasing me, then she was chasing her partner. I was laying the trail for you. Or rather, I was arranging some pieces of the timeline so you would be more likely to collide with them." She sipped her drink, watching Yaz in open curiosity. "Conveniently, you did."

" _You_ did this," Yaz whispered.

"Depends on what you mean," River said with a shrug. "But, probably."

"For the Doctor." It wasn't a question. "And you're meeting me, almost intersecting her timeline, on purpose."

"I am."

"Why?"

River stared at her for so long, Yaz wasn't sure she'd heard the question. "What do you know about Gallifrey?" River asked, finally.

"Only a bit," Yaz replied. "She's shown me the Time War, and I've read her diary."

"Then she's probably told you that she's alone. The last of her kind."

Yaz nodded again.

"Right. But, see, the thing is, that part's not really true. There _are_ others out there. Some are reachable, some are not. But she chooses not to find them. She chooses differently."

"Why?" Yaz asked again, with that desperate desire to understand the Doctor, to learn ways to help her heal.

"Because of you," River said, with an expression that said she fundamentally understood the root of the question. "And because of me. And a woman named Rose. And my parents. And Jack Harkness, for some gods-known reason." She shuddered a bit. "The Doctor _loves_. So profoundly. His... _her_ kind never understood that. That's partly why she left. It's also why she doesn't go on a murderous spree across the fabric of time itself." River smirked. "Generally. Bet she still has her moments, though."

Yaz frowned, and tried not to think about the rage and fear a single Dalek had evoked in the otherwise gentle woman she so loved.

"For the record, I didn't _do_ this to you," River continued. "That's not how the universe works. I merely sprinkled some order amongst the chaos to increase the odds of pattern recognition. I definitely didn't make you love her, or make her love you back, or make him love me. I did, however, improve her chances of finding a companion who might stick around for more than a minute alongside a nearly infinite lifetime, someone who could see all of who she is, and might still want to stay on the ride." She paused, and took a noisy last sip of her drink. "That ride is going to be a rough one, Yasmin Khan."

"Yaz," she corrected. "Why? What's going to happen?"

"Even if I knew, I couldn't tell you. Fragile timeline and all. But I can tell you this: The Time Lords are not what she thinks. They never were."

Yaz realized she was holding her breath.

" _You_ are not who you think," River concluded. "You are so much more."

Yaz waited, uneasy, but River didn't elaborate. Instead, Yaz sipped her alien coffee in silence while her mind raced, flooded with abstract notions she couldn't quite articulate.

"Right. Good chat," River declared after a few minutes. She gathered her bag and her notebook, then gave Yaz an expectant look. "Ask," she ordered.

Yaz leaned in, not even realizing she had a question at the ready. "Was this place in danger before you arrived?"

"Does it matter?" River returned with a shrug. "It's in danger now, and you're here to help."

"But you're not?" Yaz pressed. "That doesn't sound right. The woman the Doctor knew wouldn't let innocent people get hurt. It doesn't make sense."

River exhaled a profound sigh and stood, avoiding Yaz's gaze.

"She still loves you, and I'm not having you being a horrible person when she still loves you." It wasn't the most coherent warning she could have uttered, but Yaz stood and stared River down. "She deserves better than that."

"Good thing she has you, then," River said quietly. "Be seeing you, Yaz." She turned away, triggered her vortex manipulator, then vanished in a flash of light.

* * *

The sun had long set by the time Yaz returned to the town center. Fortunately, the buildings cast gentle ambient light across her path as she walked, ensuring her return.

She wondered, briefly, where she'd catch up with her mates, before she caught the knot of activity at the south side of the town square. There, a group of children sat in a pool of light, watching, entranced, as the Doctor spun a familiar tale of superstition, alien exiles, and a faraway, mysterious place called Pendle Hill.

Yaz slowed, and watched from the edge of the gathering, taking a moment to enjoy the soft shadows that slanted across the Doctor's face, and the reactions as her tale grew more outlandish and her audience grew more invested. Yaz grinned, and listened to that dear, familiar voice, and for a precious moment the universe was almost too beautiful to stand.

Graham sidled up beside her. "All right, Yaz?" he asked quietly.

Yaz smiled over at him, and nodded. "Did some scanning outside of town," she whispered, careful not to interrupt the Doctor's tale.

He nodded, and pursed his lips. "The Doc will want to hear about that," he replied. "Doesn't sound good." He took a breath, and tilted his head a little closer to hers. "She's gotten attached to these people," he murmured. "Like she does to humans, you know?"

She _did_ know. Yaz could already see the bone-deep affection the Doctor had for these strangers she'd just met. Not everyone warranted such devotion, even if the Doctor appreciated all life in all forms. These people were special, somehow.

Yaz nodded, and Graham took that as his cue to wander off and find the small house they'd been loaned for the night. After his departure, Yaz watched the Doctor weave and traipse her way through the story, eventually reaching the part where she scolded the king himself for harming a sentient (if malevolent) being, and he vowed that the world would not remember that place nor the horror it saw.

The young members of the audience hung on every word, but they were clearly unsatisfied by the ending. Yaz recognized Frehil as she stood up in agitation. "That's _it_? But no one _learned_ anything!"

"Maybe not. But the whole world healed, there, in a place once called Bilehurst Cragg," the Doctor said. "Sometimes it helps to forget, at least for a little while."

Frehil stared at her, then spun on her heel and stomped away.

Yaz tried to suppress a laugh, but ultimately it didn't matter; the mood was broken, and the crowd of people started to gather their families to return to their homes for the night. Once they'd dispersed, Yaz sidled up to the Doctor with a smile.

"They did _not_ appreciate that story," the Doctor said wryly.

Yaz hugged her. "Honestly, it's not one of my favorites, either," she said, into the Doctor's shoulder. "Horrible watching you get ducked."

"Excuse you," the Doctor said, as she gently returned the embrace. "You of _all_ people know how long I can hold my breath."

Yaz tried to smile back, but the humor definitely fell flat.

The Doctor pulled back a bit. "What? What's that face?"

"Nothing. You're wonderful," Yaz murmured.

The Doctor frowned at the non sequitur. "Okay?"

Yaz kissed her cheek gently, then sighed.

The Doctor obligingly held her, and waited. "I don't understand. Are you sad?"

Yaz squeezed her a bit. "I love you a lot," she whispered.

"I love _you_ ," the Doctor replied immediately, then she waited for further elaboration. When the silence had dragged out for another long moment, she tried again. "Hungry?"

Yaz chuckled and shook her head. "River was here."

Once again, every muscle in the Doctor's body seized, as if she could ward off catastrophic temporal paradox just by standing still. 

"She already left again. She has a vortex manipulator." Yaz pulled away and passed over the sonic screwdriver. "Outside town, there's like, a rift? I don't know. Some kind of massive fault line." She shoved her hands into her pockets while the Doctor studied the scans.

The Doctor was breathing very shallowly, in small bursts. "Chene mentioned landslides and earthquakes," she said. "According to these readings, the entire planet is undergoing massive tidal stress. Eventually it'll tear itself apart."

Yaz grimaced, and looked around at the peaceful town around them. "These people have advanced tech, though, right? Can they fix it?"

"Maybe," the Doctor said. "Depends on what caused it in the first place." At that, her eyes went hard, unyielding and angry as she gazed into the night sky.

"You think River's involved."

"I _know_ it," the Doctor bit out in frustration. "I just don't know why."

Yaz frowned, and felt a buzzing in her feet, her knees, her belly, her ears, eventually resolving into a rumble that shook the ground around them. She clutched at the Doctor's hands, as the rumble turned to crashing, a primal rending sound that was violent and terrible.

Just as quickly, the noise abated, leaving a rush of displaced air in its wake. Yaz gasped and looked around, relieved to see the buildings nearby still standing upright.

The Doctor waited, and listened, and then she heard it: quiet wailing, pained and weak, somewhere in the distance. She looked to Yaz, who nodded, and turned to run at her side, toward whoever needed their help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's staying safe out there. Thanks for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disaster, revelation, and Yaz being awesome.

While the town center remained more or less intact, it was obvious the damage nearby was extensive. Massive sinkholes had opened up at random, and otherwise sturdy houses dangled over new, cavernous spaces that had simply evacuated the ground to places unseen.

Yaz ran at the Doctor's side, hurdling bits of flotsam that blocked their path.

"Hello?" the Doctor called into the darkness. "Who's there? Are you hurt?"

"Over here," came a small voice a few dwellings over.

They turned down an alley, then skidded to a halt at the edge of a steep drop. Frehil looked up at them from below, waving for their attention. Beside her, half buried under debris, was an older woman, writhing faintly in pain.

Yaz immediately stepped over the edge, with the Doctor a second behind. They slid down the steep, unstable earth and crashed together to a halt on a ledge that felt precarious at best.

"Frehil," Yaz called, as they carefully scrambled closer. "Are you hurt?"

Frehil shook her head, looking at Yaz with wide, scared eyes. "It's Jara. She's my neighbor."

The Doctor knelt at the woman's side. "Jara, is it?" she asked, noting the woman's growing pallor as she nodded. "You just hold on, Jara," the Doctor ordered, gently. She pulled out her sonic screwdriver to scan for injuries, then squinted at the results in confusion.

Yaz was about to ask what was wrong, but caught the formation of a crowd at the top of the slide, including Ryan and Graham.

"All right, Yaz?" Graham called, with a wave.

Yaz waved back, then turned to Frehil. "Let's get you out of here. The Doctor and I will stay with Jara."

Frehil nodded meekly, then scrambled up the loose earthen slope. Yaz spotted her ascent from below, and breathed a sigh of relief when a chain of people banded together to haul her up, back over the edge to safety.

Yaz returned to Jara's side, and carefully started shifting the rocks and fractured building material that was pinning her to the ground.

Jara reached out to the Doctor, as her breathing turned ragged. The Doctor leaned in, ducking her ear to Jara's mouth to catch her words.

"My mate... Kaval. He's trading on the coast. Tell him I'm sorry... I couldn't wait."

Yaz felt her stomach drop in profound sympathy. She stopped her toil and knelt at Jara's side to take her other hand, putting gentle fingers to the racing, thready pulse in her wrist.

The Doctor nodded, but her expression was distant, confused.

Yaz looked at the Doctor, distressed by her apparent lack of attention. She heard commotion behind them, and looked back to see the chain of people banding together to bring rescue equipment to the scene. When she turned back, the darkness had somehow unexpectedly lifted, then split into vibrant, golden light.

The Doctor reached across Jara's body, forcefully yanking Yaz's hand away, then pulling her bodily sideways and behind meager cover provided by a pile of loose rocks.

Yaz tucked into herself as tightly as possible, and felt the Doctor covering her body as the night went sunshine bright, with a wash of energy dancing along Yaz's skin like a sunburn. 

When the light subsided, the Doctor peeled herself away from Yaz and stumbled to the ground. 

Yaz uncurled, looking at her, then back to Jara... who was no longer there. In her place was a younger looking woman with lighter skin, gasping in evident anguish and confusion, panting out plumes of sparkling energy.

Just then, the rescue team arrived on the scene in force, swarming around to clear the remaining debris and arrange transport to a more stable location.

The Doctor lurched, and followed Frehil's path up the steep grade, either ignoring or not hearing Yaz calling after her. She climbed, and fell, tearing open her trouser legs and scraping her knees raw. Undaunted, she got up again and careened upward until she stumbled over the top edge, heedless of the people trying to get down to help, or all the hands that offered her assistance.

Graham pushed his way through the crowd to catch up with her. "Doc!" he called, over the anxious surrounding chatter. He grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Doc! What was all that?"

The Doctor looked at him... _through_ him, then spun on her heel and staggered off down the alley and into the night.

Graham held out his hands in dismayed confusion. "Doc?" he tried again. Behind him, he heard Ryan calling Yaz's name, and he hurried to help tug her safely back up the slope.

She dusted herself off and caught her breath, while Ryan and Graham hovered nearby.

"She disappeared that way," Graham said, nodding toward the darkened alley.

Yaz nodded, with a grim set to her jaw. "Let's see if anybody else needs help," she muttered. She picked up an implement that looked like a shovel, then headed back into the damaged parts of the town, while Graham and Ryan trailed dutifully behind.

* * *

It took hours to account for the rest of the townsfolk. A few were pinned in their houses, a few suffered injuries from falling objects or shifting earth. No one had met as dramatic a fate as Jara, who had been shuttled off to the healing center to sleep off her transformation.

It was sometime after local midnight that it started to rain, only further souring Yaz's mood as she dug out a fallen beam from in front of the town's common house. Her attention was split between her work and the TARDIS, which sat down the alley, forlorn and pitiful under the rain.

Graham wandered up, and gently wrested the shovel from her hands. "You've done yeoman's service, Yaz," he murmured. "But someone else needs your help, now."

She glared up at him with stormy eyes.

Ryan appeared moments later, wiping dust-turned-mud from his clothes as he watched the interplay between his companions.

"Don't be cross with her," Graham chided mildly. "She carries burdens you've only started to discover."

"Because she doesn't _talk_ about them," Yaz snapped. She reached for the shovel, only for it to be plucked out of Graham's grasp and Yaz's reach by Ryan.

"Look, Yaz," Ryan said. "I need a shower, and a kip in a bed that's not likely to get buried underground. That means the TARDIS. And if she's in there, she wants to see you, not us."

Yaz heaved a sigh that launched raindrops from the end of her nose, then glared at the blue box, as if it could yield its owner and her secrets. With sudden resolve, she turned, and stomped down the alley.

Ryan set the shovel against the common house wall, and skipped to follow her, with Graham trailing close behind.

She hesitated at the door, half expecting it to be locked. Instead it popped open with the tiniest squeak, as if in apology.

Yaz almost felt bad. Instead she yanked the door open with an annoyed huff, and stepped inside.

The Doctor _was_ there, wheeling about the console in a chaotic, aimless motion, muttering to herself.

Ryan stepped in, then quickly stole off into the depths of the ship. Graham took in the Doctor's agitation, then pressed a hand to Yaz's shoulder and gave her a nod for luck before following his grandson.

They were, for all intents and purposes, alone. Yaz wiped sodden hair out of her face and considered her _partner_ , with all her movement and avoidance and damage. The fear-fueled frustration she'd let simmer in her gut for hours dissipated in a sudden sympathetic rush, and she sighed.

"Are you all right?" Yaz asked. Her tone was a little sharper than she'd intended, and the Doctor flinched.

"No," the Doctor snapped back, agitated. She tossed her arms and flexed her hands in a twitchy, rhythmic motion. "Are _you_?"

Yaz took a step forward, watching her carefully. "These people - are they like you?"

The Doctor shook her head, too unspooled to answer. "Who knows? I dunno. Why would I know that? I can't feel my fingers."

Yaz frowned at the non sequitur.

"They're tingly. Everything is tingly," the Doctor continued, as she stared at her hands in some horror. "Might not be breathing right."

At that, Yaz stepped into the path of her anxious, frantic movement. The Doctor stopped in front of her, eyeing her in uncertainty as she twitched, her muscles roiling as if reacting to unseen shocks. 

Yaz held out a hand. "Can we... I know you can share with my mind. Can it go the other way?"

The Doctor watched her for a long moment, as if she couldn't understand the question. Finally, she nodded.

Yaz curled gentle fingers around the back of the Doctor's neck, ignoring the clammy skin as she leaned in, focusing on the screaming apprehension she could suddenly feel broadcasting from the Doctor's mind.

With a shared breath, they connected.

It was all jumbled consciousness and noise, and it nearly crowded Yaz right back out again, but she stood firm, and focused on a single, simple thought, which she'd first uttered aloud on Ranskoor Av Kolos:

_I'm with you, whatever happens._

The clamor didn't subside immediately, but it did stutter just a bit, as if the roaring anxiety wasn't sure how it might outlast Yaz's determination.

_I'm with you, whatever happens._

Over and over, Yaz let her mind shout it into the din. At the same time, she breathed, slow and and deep, venting the last of her annoyance into the scant air between them. 

She centered on the one thing she trusted without reservation: The Doctor's boundless kindness. And when she found her own calm, she shared it, amplifying her certainty, and her promise.

_I'm with you, whatever happens._

Eventually, she realized that her pledge was echoing, as the Doctor's mind sent it back.

The noise was fading. Finally it was just the two of them, together in a warm, safe place. The Doctor was looking at her with something akin to awe.

Yaz smiled. "Hey, there you are," she said aloud, as she pulled away and broke the connection.

The storm outside had blown over, mirroring the new calm on the Doctor's face. She let out one last slow breath, and managed a faint, self-conscious laugh. "Yasmin Khan, you are a wonder."

Yaz stroked her face gently, and smoothed tousled blonde hair into place. "Well, I do know a panic attack when I see one."

In an instant, the Doctor's face twisted in painful recognition. "Oh."

"It's fine," Yaz insisted, annoyed at herself for injecting the distraction. " _I'm_ fine, now. We can talk about that later. I'm just worried about you."

The Doctor nodded, and slumped toward her. "Right pair we are, eh?"

"I think we're perfect," Yaz said. She planted a kiss to the crown of the Doctor's downcast head before taking her shoulders and guiding them both down to sit on the nearest step.

The Doctor turned in Yaz's embrace, burrowing toward her warmth. Yaz sighed and held her as tightly as she could manage.

"I can _smell_ them, Yaz. I didn't realize it until now. The regeneration energy dormant in their bodies... they _are_ like Time Lords. Like _me_."

River's words floated through Yaz's brain. _She chooses differently_. "I felt Jara's pulse," Yaz murmured, apprehensively. "She only had one heart."

"Yeah," the Doctor replied.

"So what does all this mean?"

The Doctor shook her head. "I dunno yet. It's all up here, somewhere," she said, pointing to her head. "So many thoughts, all spinning." She straightened and looked Yaz over with a frown of confusion. "You're all wet... and not in the fun way."

Yaz chuckled. "You're a little sticky too. Fancy a bath?"

"Don't wanna stand up," the Doctor complained, even as she let Yaz haul her upright and drag her out of the console room, off to their favorite, particularly indulgent, pink, fluffy bathroom, which the TARDIS obligingly elevated a few levels.

They were too tired to linger and enjoy, so instead got clean and warm quickly, then Yaz dragged the Doctor to her bedroom and tucked her in before she could rally any protest. The Doctor didn't even make her usual noises about not needing much sleep, which actually worried Yaz rather a lot. She curled up on her side, with one arm bent under head, the other stretched out across the Doctor's belly, stroking softly.

"You're angry with me," the Doctor murmured.

"No," Yaz said immediately. " _Really_ worried. Not angry."

As if she could muster anything but profound pity at the bloodshot eyes that peered sideways at her. Yaz sighed and scooted closer to plant a gentle kiss on the Doctor's temple.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor murmured. Then she sighed, too. "Forgot to tell Jara that."

Yaz waited, sensing some disclosure about to shake loose.

"And I'm sorry I ran," the Doctor continued. "Not a thing I like to do. Even though you probably think I do it quite a lot." She worked her tongue in her mouth for a moment. "Jara deserved better."

"Were you scared?" Yaz whispered.

The Doctor considered that for a moment, and shook her head. "More like surprised, I guess. Like something I safely _knew_ about the universe was really, _really_ wrong. Don't like that feeling." She put her hand on her belly, collided with Yaz's, and tangled their fingers together. "Felt it right here."

Even if they weren't actively connected, Yaz wasn't imagining the thrum of dread and horror that "surprise" really conveyed.

"Also I disappointed you, and that might be the worst feeling I've ever had," the Doctor concluded, quiet and miserable.

At that, Yaz shifted her hand to the Doctor's face, turning it gently toward her. "I love you. And you are still the best person I've ever met," she said, in a fierce whisper. "Even when everything you know about yourself changed all at once. Anybody would be thrown by that. Even a wise ancient woman who thinks she already knows everything."

The Doctor scowled, resistant to the idea that her behavior could be forgiven that easily.

"Don't give me that face. I know how much you like to show off that big brain of yours." Yaz scooted in and kissed her forehead. 

With a snort, the Doctor settled in to the warm lassitude of Yaz's company. "You're trying to distract me."

"No," Yaz murmured. "I'm trying to tell you I can only imagine what today was like for you, and I'm sorry. And I'm here."

"I am _so_ glad you're here," the Doctor whispered. "Only good thing about today." At that, the last of the tension melted out of her limbs, and she fell asleep.

Yaz sighed, and took one last pass with gentle fingers to stoke the Doctor's cheek before she settled in to get some sleep as well.

* * *

Yaz awoke some time later when the Doctor sat on the edge of the bed, freshly changed and donning her boots. Yaz stretched and reached out to rub the Doctor's arm. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.

The Doctor nodded. "A fair bit," she replied. She took Yaz's hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "I have to talk to Chene," she added quietly. "I have to find out who these people are."

Yaz nodded and sat up. "I'll come with you." After a moment when the Doctor didn't reply, Yaz added, "Unless you'd rather go alone."

The Doctor pursed her lips and turned earnest, sad eyes toward Yaz. "I'd literally never _rather_ be alone," she said. "Just usually end up that way."

"Not this time," Yaz said. " _We_ are going to find out what's going on, and _we_ are going to save these people."

The Doctor nodded, leaning against Yaz for a long, sweet moment, before pushing herself upright and getting out of the way so Yaz could get up and change.

A few minutes later, they made their way together out of the TARDIS and back into the town.

The morning was clear and bright, a stark contrast to the stormy mess of the previous night. The town center was already returning to normal, as the locals turned their advanced technology toward the needed repairs.

Yaz and the Doctor took a circle around the area, surveying the progress. The Doctor was deeply heartened by the resilience and energy she saw.

Frehil spotted them across the main square, and beelined over, blinking up at them both with unabashed curiosity. "You're still here," she observed.

"We are," the Doctor said lightly. "Not planning to leave until we get things sorted. Speaking of, do you know where Chene is?"

"She's in the common house," Frehil said, as if the Doctor were rather slow for not already knowing as much. "For Jara's integration ceremony."

"Integration ceremony?" Yaz asked.

Frehil was quickly nearing the end of her patience with these clueless strangers. "The rite to help after you change," she said in a rush, before running off to the next distraction.

"Oh," the Doctor murmured, giving Yaz a thoughtful look. "What an interesting idea _that_ is." 

Together they entered the common house, treading quietly in deference to air of solemnity in the place.

A dozen different faces turned to look at their entrance. Yaz cleared her throat, and the Doctor offered a tiny wave. "Came to check on Jara," she explained quietly. "Sorry if this is a private event."

The young-looking woman who was now Jara bustled over and took Yaz and the Doctor each by the hand. "Thank you for coming. As companions during my journey, you are very welcome here."

The Doctor lit up. "Oh! Never been a companion before," she said, with a grin at Yaz. "Brilliant." 

"How are you doing?" Yaz asked.

"I'm fine. I think. I don't quite know." Jara said. She bent her arms several times, as if testing the flex. "Not sure I like these new elbows."

The Doctor felt her eyes brim with unexpected tears, as she was overwhelmed with a surge of combined affection and recognition. "How many times..." she began, then paused. "I'm sorry, that's probably a rude question."

"This is my twenty fifth body," Jara replied absently, with her attention still mostly on her new, apparently inflexible arms. 

"Twenty fifth," the Doctor repeated, breathless. She felt Yaz's steadying hand at her back, and leaned gratefully against her.

Chene stepped forward, and held out a device the Doctor recognized as a holographic data display. "We are about to begin the integration," she pronounced, for the benefit of the outsider. "This is for our sister, so that she may start her new life while honoring who she has been."

The Doctor nodded her understanding, and let Yaz lead her to a pair of empty seats to watch.

The holographic display lit up, and showed images captured in a global database, that had kept records for all the planet's people, for a few thousand years. The Doctor could hardly contain her curiosity as Jara's story slowly unfurled.

As the ceremony progressed, they learned that Jara had gone by seven different names across those twenty five bodies, identified as at least four distinct genders along the way, and had mated with a number of men and women around the world. The journey went chronologically backward, and even the Doctor had trouble tracking the millennia of one single being.

Finally, there was the oldest iteration, ironically the youngest person represented in the long history. Jara sighed, looking at the ancient image of herself - then a tiny fair-haired boy - alongside an equally tiny girl with dark skin and a dour expression standing next to him in ornate robes.

The ceremonial mood turned from nostalgic to downright somber.

Jara turned to the Doctor to explain. "She was my best friend, my classmate. She was one of the Lost."

The Doctor could scarcely breathe. _The Lost._

* * *

When Jara retreated for private meditation and the other "companions" dispersed, the Doctor stayed seated, utterly distracted and deep in thought. Yaz watched her, with concern plain across her face.

Chene lingered, studying them both.

After a moment the Doctor started a bit, and looked sheepish as she stood and tried to gather her wits. "So sorry. Beautiful ceremony, that. Very generous to let outsiders sit in."

Yaz stood as well. "Jara mentioned a mate," she said, gently.

"Kaval," Chene said, with a dip of her head. "He will have his own ritual to mark his loss and his mate's transition."

The Doctor considered that with a thoughtful nod. "It's helpful, to do that kind of thing?"

"Yes, of course. We live long lives, and we intertwine with our fellows and then eventually move forward as new beings. We have found it vital to remember, to maintain the continuity of who we were, and connect to who we are now."

The Doctor was fixated on her every word, but detected Chene's hesitation. "But... the Lost?"

Chene sighed. "A sensitive subject that has fractured our history. They are mourned to this day. It is hard to convey, but we simply do not _lose_ our kind. Except for those very few."

The Doctor smiled sadly. "You're quite fortunate, in that way." She eyed the holographic data display Chene still held. "Could I borrow that device? I assume it has access to your scientific records as well as genealogy?"

Chene nodded, and readily handed the device over. "Of course. If you need one of our science guild to assist..."

"Not likely," the Doctor said, as she pocketed the device. "Thank you. We'll report back when I learn more."

* * *

They emerged from the common house to a town square full of life, adapting as it always did. Yaz's eyes roamed, spotting Graham joyfully stuffing his face with a sandwich and socializing with a small group of town elders, and Ryan chatting up a woman who was probably a millennia older than he was. Yaz couldn't help but laugh.

Beside her, the Doctor felt that pang in the pit of her stomach, the strange, sharp yearning, that tug toward another person that still surprised her with its intensity. Even as they faced danger and an unknown that threatened her very sense of self, she was profoundly grateful to be standing alongside Yasmin Khan, who never failed to be brave.

She took Yaz's hand, and smiled back when Yaz cast a questioning look at her. "Yannow, _my_ last integration ceremony involved falling out of an exploding TARDIS, crashing into a train, and then hunting down an alien mercenary," she observed, blandly. "This one was really dull. Just sayin'."

Yaz laughed again, and the Doctor felt her hearts absolutely soar. She pulled out the borrowed holographic device and activated it. "We're gonna need a bigger display," she decided.

* * *

The holographic observatory in the TARDIS wasn't a room Yaz had been to before, since the Doctor was much more keen on seeing the real thing in real time. It was unnervingly large, which was probably a combination of illusion and funny physics.

Yaz waited while the Doctor fiddled with the data access, then finally used her sonic to connect it to the observatory systems. In a flash, the huge empty space gave way to alien data, depicted in images, floods of numbers and undecipherable text.

Yaz reeled a bit from the transition. "You have access to all their records?"

"Even the ones they don't know they still have," the Doctor replied. She moved her hands in the air, using the observatory's holographic systems to sort categories of data and translate it. Yaz stepped up alongside her, squinting at media and vital statistics as they flew past.

She spotted a projection of Jara's new face, then paced through the associated files of her previous lives, wondering just how much history one person had witnessed. When she stepped off that singular data track, she found herself in the town's larger record set, able to swipe through centuries of growth and citizen movement. Yaz noticed the recent seismic event she'd scanned the day before, then backed away to see the details of the rich mineral veins in the mountain before it collapsed. That took her deep into mining, refining, and construction records...

"What are those buildings?" Yaz asked, pointing at a collection of dramatic, delicate towers. They didn't look like anything else within the town proper.

The Doctor gestured, expanding the images to massive resolution. "They look like remnants of a matter transport network," she murmured. She scanned with her sonic, matching up the images with the relative geography of the area scanned by the TARDIS. "Those ruins are just south of here," she concluded.

"They look abandoned," Yaz observed, eyeing the decay evident in the images. "That seems strange."

The Doctor hummed thoughtfully, and quickly cross referenced the relative date of the tower construction with the lineage of Jara's previous lives. The transport network appeared to pre-date Jara's first incarnation by a good century. She added in a metadata filter for mentions of The Lost, and the lookup flickered, juddering the entire holographic representation around them while the TARDIS' systems worked to compensate.

"Sorry about that," the Doctor muttered. "Had to brute force a bit of access just then."

Yaz swallowed hard, fighting a bout of motion sickness. She looked off to her left, just as images of a violent explosion resolved there, in the simulation of the distant past. "Oh," she breathed. "What happened there?"

The Doctor stepped right through a report of yearly crop harvest yields, peering at the slow motion disaster. "Looks like a bomb," she said.

"Extremists destroyed the transport network," Yaz read, from the associated criminal proceedings that had appeared nearby. She swiped through the historical record. "In protest of the world's self-injection in external politics."

"They were explorers," the Doctor realized, as she delved further into the historical transcriptions. "For eons, they wandered across a thousand worlds, bringing science and technology to entire galaxies. A single reactionary faction within ended it, all at once. Then they were cut off, leaving a handful of their people scattered around the universe, alone on the opposite side of a transit network that had gone dark. Lost." She rocked on her heels. " _Lost_ ," she breathed.

Yaz paced down the projected timeline. "Then they decided to cloister themselves, to 'hide from time?'" She looked back to the Doctor in question.

"A temporal lock," the Doctor answered. "They created a hole in time, and hid the planet inside. And now the temporal reactors are failing, and the planet is rippling across time and not-time, causing catastrophic tidal stress."

Yaz bounced a bit. "So now we know how to fix it," she declared, with utter confidence that dimmed slightly when she saw the Doctor's face. "Right?"

The Doctor triggered the sonic once more, dismissing the holographic barrage of data. "Right," she murmured. 

"But why would they hide the records of the Lost?" Yaz asked.

"Not hidden," the Doctor replied. "Just buried, under generations of trying to be better and regretting what couldn't be undone." She sighed, and shrugged into the infinite emptiness of the room. "Something I'd like to show you," she said, with something resembling her usual resolve. With a wave of her sonic, the room cast itself in hues of deep orange and amber, and the ceiling gave way to a stormy alien sky.

Yaz tread carefully as she looked around. "Is this Gallifrey?"

"Gallifrey," the Doctor murmured in confirmation. "My home." She paced a bit, with her hands in her pockets and her head cast up to the false sky. "Only a few nights a year when the suns both set, and you could see the stars. Always loved those nights." She looked back over her shoulder at Yaz. 

"You know, you can stand on Gallifrey - or on Earth, for that matter - and look at every star in the sky and measure evidence of the common elements that make up the universe," the Doctor explained. "Hydrogen, helium, carbon. But when you see them, their signature has shifted to longer wavelengths, the red side of the electromagnetic spectrum. Every single object you can see in the universe shows the same shift."

"Why?" Yaz breathed.

"Because everything in the universe is flying away from everything else," the Doctor continued. "In space, in time. Cosmology and relativity. Everything is always farther than it was. Then farther still."

Yaz waited, watching the Doctor's profile as she knelt, and used her finger to draw in the dusty ground. Then Yaz bent at her side to watch, and translated the word "red" wrapped in the tense of sadness and melancholy.

"For a Time Lord, it's a metaphor for the inevitable loss across an impossibly long life," the Doctor said.

Yaz didn't have patience for the grammar lesson. "You think you might be one of the Lost," she said, cutting to the fine point of it all. "But how is that possible? What about _this_ \- what about Gallifrey?" she asked, holding her hands up to the stormy orange sky. "What about your family? Susan? Granny Five?"

The Doctor shook her head. "They were real. My memories are real. But there's _more_ , somehow." She stood upright again, erased the word with a swipe of her foot, then deactivated the observatory again, returning the room to its default state, a bluish representation of infinity captured in a dimensionally impossible space. "I don't know, Yaz. I just feel _wrong_. Like everything I am is out of kilter."

It was hard to fathom, that such a profound and ancient mystery could unfold by apparent coincidence. Except...

"River must have known," Yaz said. "She must have figured it out and led you here."

The Doctor nodded, having already considered that. "Likely. And I know you're worried, and that you're not inclined to trust her," she said. "I don't blame you. I'm worried, too."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," Yaz said. "I know how important it is that you have 'people.'" She took a moment to steel her resolve, and stood up straight, beautiful and defiant and _so_ brave. "So if these _are_ your people, let's get to saving them already."

And there it was. 

For the first time a long while, the Doctor felt like everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, imagine series 12 written by a sentimental gay girl. ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories, intimacy, technobabble.

Yaz probably wouldn't admit it out loud, but she felt _outrageously_ cool.

She paced around the holographic representation of the ancient towers south of the town, then reached in to grab part of the image, spread her fingers, and watched the hologram explode in zoomed-in detail in the air before her.

"Proper CSI," she whispered, as she bent closer, studying the structure. _Then_ she noticed the woman standing on the other side of the translucent image, sipping tea and watching her with a teasing smile.

Yaz yelped, just a bit, as she jumped upright. "You startled me," she said.

"Didn't want to interrupt your investigation," the Doctor said innocently, as she stepped closer. "Always enjoy a good sleuthing with PC Khan." Her eyes sparkled as she regarded her partner in amused affection.

"Mostly just faffing about," Yaz admitted, with a shrug. "The records aren't complete."

"Then we'll have to go visit. Fancy a walk in the morning?" 

Yaz nodded. "This place will hold up until then?"

The Doctor flicked out her sonic, and used it to display a baffling stream of data from the TARDIS' scanners. "Temporal sheering forces are building, but won't peak for several weeks."

"Fifty two days," Graham said, as he wandered in from a doorway that had appeared behind them. He nodded in greeting as he approached. "Sorry, didn't mean to intrude. Was trying to find the study."

"Was trying to find the beanbag room," Ryan added, from yet another door. "TARDIS dropping hints?"

The Doctor smiled. "Ah. I _was_ hoping for a night in with the fam." She looked to Yaz, who nodded amiably, then lifted the sonic again, prompting the holographic room to reconfigure, apparently leaving them on a dark, sandy beach alongside a roaring campfire.

Ryan goggled. " _Whoa_. You have a holodeck?!"

The Doctor rolled her eyes. "It's an _observatory_ ," she chided, using her mug to gesture dramatically at the night sky sparkling above. "For _science_. That is the current view from my favorite beach in Southern California." She turned to Yaz. "Brilliant place. I'll take you for churros sometime. Churros _and_ science." Then she turned to Graham. "What, exactly, is in fifty two days?"

"That's how long the science guild estimates until the planet's atmosphere starts to bleed away," Graham explained. "They're trying to keep that quiet, but they're scared." He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked around pensively. "Can we help them, Doc?"

The Doctor threw a glance over at Yaz.

"We can," Yaz said, steady and sure. "We _will_."

It was a moment of transformation, as the Doctor grinned at her, pride and love plainly evident as they faced enormous odds together. Yaz shivered, and _believed_ they would succeed, despite everything. It was intoxicating.

"But first, it's fam night," the Doctor declared. "Graham, _tell_ me you have marshmallows in your pocket."

He made a faint choking noise, and guiltily produced a packet while Yaz and Ryan laughed. "No, see, my new mates - the ones in the science guild - they have this cracking version of cocoa - they just needed..."

The Doctor blatantly ignored him. "Ryan, could you please find something that passes for a skewer?"

While he bounded off, Yaz tilted her head in question. "Can you toast marshmallows with holographic fire?" she mused, as she sat down in the sand and kicked off her shoes. "And will I have sand absolutely everywhere when I walk out of this room?" she continued, casting a look up at the Doctor.

Rather than answer, the Doctor bumped gently against her knees. "C'mon, budge up," she murmured.

Yaz squinted at her, and the Doctor used her momentary confusion to push Yaz's knees apart and twirl to a seat between them. She craned her neck back to give Yaz a grin.

Yaz just shook her head fondly, and folded her arms around the Doctor's waist, pulling her close. She leaned her head against the Doctor's soft hair and let out a contented sigh.

"Always a good day when you're with me at the end of it," the Doctor murmured, as she wriggled happily in Yaz's embrace.

"Fancy a snuggle, Ry?" came Graham's voice, as he teased his grandson. "They call that a 'jetpack,' right?"

Ryan just rolled his eyes, handed over a metal rod, and sat, staying well out of cuddling range. 

Graham snickered, spent a moment spearing marshmallows on the rod, then stuck them into the fire. He pulled them out again, poked the slightly melted surface, then stuck them back in with a speculative noise.

"So how does this room work, anyway?" Ryan asked.

While the Doctor expounded on matter and energy, and the enormous (but negligible, in the context of the TARDIS) computational power required to switch between the two, Yaz zoned out against her, propping her chin on the Doctor's shoulder to feel the vibrations of her voice and the flex of muscles as she gestured, describing waveforms and photonic arrays.

After a long while she paused, and Yaz could feel the heaviness of the next breath the Doctor took. 

"Graham, Ryan. I'm sorry about my behavior, yesterday."

"No need to apologize to us, Doc," Graham said. "You all right now?"

"I am, thanks to Yaz," she replied, with a smile cast over her shoulder. "What's the human expression? Saw my life flash before my eyes? It was a little like that. Hard to explain."

Graham nodded thoughtfully as he blew out a marshmallow that had burst into flame, then promptly popped the charred sugar into his mouth. Yaz exhaled a tiny laugh, and felt the Doctor relax against her. Eventually, Ryan took over marshmallow duties, and the fam settled into comfortable companionship that felt both familiar and fragile, much like the world itself.

"You know," Graham mused. "One of my earliest memories is sitting at a campfire pretty much like this," he observed. "We'd gone camping, and I had to wee, so I headed into the woods by myself - trying to be a big man and all." He chuckled. "Big man who got lost. I ended up back at a campfire, but it wasn't _our_ campfire. Belonged to an older chap sleeping rough... he gave me my first sip of whisky while I waited for my da."

Ryan snorted at that, eager to offer his own story. " _My_ first memory is my nan yelling at me."

"On brand," Yaz declared.

He kicked a bit of sand in her general direction. "She'd taken me to the park, and I snuck off to the big kids' climbing stuff. Wanted to prove I could do it."

"Could you?" Yaz asked, with a knowing look.

He snorted again. "'course not. I fell and broke my wrist. That's when my nan came running, yelling at me for being stupid." He shrugged, staring into the fire with a fond smile. "After I got my cast, she took me to get ice cream."

"I remember you having that cast," Yaz said. "In playgroup. You told us you'd been practicing for the circus."

"I had been," Ryan said, with a nod. "On the big kids' playground."

They all chuckled. Ryan and Graham tapped scorched marshmallows in Grace's honor.

"My first memory is being trapped in a crib," Yaz murmured. "My mum always tried to make me nap at the same time Sonya went down in the afternoon. I _hated_ it." She smiled and shook her head. "Son' and I shared a room in that old flat, and it was painted bright yellow. I remember the sun streaming into the window, the room glowing in the light, while I was stood in my crib with my arms folded, waiting for my mum to give up and come get me."

The Doctor carefully tilted herself backward and sideways to kiss Yaz on the cheek. "Tiny, defiant Yaz. Brilliant."

"Now I wonder if it really happened that way," Yaz mused.

"Whaddya mean?" Ryan asked with a frown.

"In police training, they tell you about how risky eye witness testimony is, because human memory is incredibly unreliable," Yaz said. "I read that you don't actually remember long term events like that - you remember the _last_ time you remembered them. It changes over time." She shrugged. "My parents love telling that story about me. By now it's just, like, in my brain, even if it didn't really happen that way."

"Grown up, clever Yaz. _Also_ brilliant," the Doctor declared.

"So, does it even matter - if it _didn't_ really happen?" Ryan asked. "If it's part of your brain, it's part of _you_. Even if you weren't a brat who wouldn't nap, you still _are_."

"Oi," she said, with a glare.

"He's right," the Doctor murmured, wincing when Yaz's indignation burned in her periphery. "Not about you being a brat in bed. Though you do tend to hoard the pillows, just sayin'." She shook herself a bit. "Who you are is at least partially a result of the inconstant brain engrams that grow and change as you do. Amazing humans, the lot of you. Gold star to Ryan."

Ryan subtly pumped his fist.

"And an extra pillow for bratty Yaz," the Doctor said, with a grin, as Yaz bumped against her.

"So Doc, what's _your_ earliest memory?" Graham asked.

The Doctor frowned a bit. "Dunno. Live as long as I have, it all blurs together."

It was a lie, and Yaz knew it, even if she didn't know why. She rubbed the Doctor's side gently in reassurance, and seized the opportunity to distract by quizzing Ryan about the girl he'd been chatting up.

The evening unwound peacefully, so much so that the Doctor actually relaxed, lazing sleepily in Yaz's embrace. She stroked Yaz's hand at her waist, letting the fam's conversation rise and fall over her like the holographic waves as they rose with the tide.

Eventually Ryan yawned, and excused himself to get some sleep. Graham took that as his cue as well, and stood, brushing sand from his clothes.

Yaz kissed the Doctor's head. "Come to bed with me?" she murmured.

The Doctor hummed. "We could just stay here," she drawled.

"Too much sand," Yaz declared. She stood, and pulled the Doctor upright as well. " _Not_ an option for what I have in mind for you."

The Doctor flashed her a sly look. "Oh?"

Yaz grinned back. "Yeah. Heard you like it when I'm bossy in bed."

"That is _definitely_ true."

Graham snorted, then skittered gingerly out of earshot while chuckling to himself about young love.

* * *

"Such a delightfully human thing, being young and wanting to be older," the Doctor mused, as Yaz pulled her into her bedroom. "Then being old and wanting to be younger again. Someday I'll take you to meet the Frond. They're a botanical collective in the lower Phrigiht. Born ancient, slowly age backward. Brilliant operas, known the galaxy over."

Yaz listened indulgently, and maneuvered the Doctor out of her long coat.

"You know, Graham asked about my memories," the Doctor continued. "That's... complicated."

Yaz hummed. "I can tell." She kicked off her trainers, irritated by the sand that had indeed stuck to her beyond the threshold of the observatory.

"I feel like everything's shaken loose... didn't think _my_ brain engrams were so inconstant." The Doctor frowned, and looked around idly. "If you'd asked me - one of my earlier selves - what my earliest memory was, I'd have told you about the about the first time I saw the Citadel on Gallifrey."

"What about now?" Yaz asked, gently. She untucked the Doctor's layered shirts and pulled them over her head.

The Doctor pressed a hand to her shoulder, as if feeling for a long-healed wound. "I think I remember getting hurt. Shot, maybe? And then I fell. Kept falling. It should have killed me."

Yaz hadn't been expecting that. She chafed a gentle hand down the Doctor's arm. "Did you regenerate?"

"How could I?" the Doctor whispered. "I didn't know myself." Then she shook her head, because the jumbled bits made so little sense. She looked down at herself, suddenly realizing she was far less clothed than she expected. "Oh," she murmured. "Clever Yaz."

Yaz watched her, then gently took her hand, pulling it away from her shoulder and baring the unblemished skin that somehow bore a memory. She pressed a kiss there, then to the Doctor's neck, her lips, willing her to be present, to stay in the moment, not to teeter into the panic that loomed nearby in shadowed recollection.

The Doctor sighed against her, and pulled away only long enough to return the favor of tugging at Yaz's jumper. Her gaze sparked at the revealed expanse of soft skin, and her hands wandered, settling at Yaz's hips to pull her closer.

There was a lingering melancholy in their embrace, as if the Doctor couldn't quite suppress a stray bit of half-remembered pain. With careful, coaxing movements, Yaz led the Doctor to the edge of the bed so she could sit, then stripped off the remainder of clothing still between them. She stood at the Doctor's knees, looking down with a smile.

"Yaz," the Doctor breathed, hungry and intense.

Yaz moved, pushing the Doctor back against the bed, then slid over her, taking her time to paint the Doctor's fair skin with fingertips and tongue as if she could taste the anxiety in the blood thrumming underneath, between two hearts, even throbbing between her legs when Yaz finally thrust sweetly inside her.

The Doctor tossed her head back, arched against Yaz's relentless touch, then shuddered, and shuddered again while Yaz teased her ever further, letting her overactive mind cede to the twitch of overstimulated nerve endings and the rush of release. Finally, she fell, boneless against the bed, and pulled Yaz into a long, tender kiss. "Brilliant, amazing Yaz," she murmured, against swollen lips.

Yaz smiled and shifted off to her side, pressed a bit messily against the Doctor's arm. She pulled the sheets up and over their heads, leaving them in a warm cocoon barely lit by the orange fairy lights the Doctor had rigged up all over Yaz's room.

The Doctor's eyes were wide and sad, fixed on Yaz in the fitful, muted light. Yaz reached up and stroked the Doctor's cheek.

"I know who you are," Yaz whispered. "I always have."

"You have?" the Doctor whispered.

Yaz nodded. "You're the _Doctor_. The Oncoming Storm. The amazing woman who wanders the universe helping people," she replied. " _And_ you're a child of Gallifrey, no matter what else happens. Learning more about yourself doesn't take away everything you already were."

The Doctor sighed, and nodded a bit. "Thank you for believing in me," she murmured. "Also for the orgasms. Those were nice, too."

Yaz snorted, relieved to see just a hint of the Doctor's usual good humor flare back to life.

The Doctor grinned and yanked the sheet away, baring them both to the chill air of the TARDIS before rolling to drape her body languidly over Yaz's. "Hope you won't be offended," she muttered, leaning in for a kiss. "If I avoid the sandy bits while I make love to every _other_ square inch of you."

* * *

The Doctor packed a light kit for their excursion out of town: Sonic screwdriver and biscuits. Yaz rolled her eyes and packed her own provisions, including a few extras like actual food and water.

They set off in the late morning, while the skies were cloudy and cool. It didn't take long for them to find the edge of the town, where the roads turned into broken trails and long-abandoned footpaths.

Yaz watched in amusement as the Doctor made various noises of fascination at the world around them. "You're enjoying yourself."

"I am," the Doctor agreed, with a speculative expression. "Dunno why. Not inclined to think too hard about that. _Could_ be because of all the sex."

Yaz chuckled. "Whatever the reason, I'm glad."

" _You're_ the reason," the Doctor corrected, in a more serious tone. "And I'm ever so grateful."

Yaz couldn't help the beaming grin that split her face. "Yannow, Graham said something, to me. He said you carry burdens I'm just beginning to discover."

"Wise man, that Graham O'Brien."

Yaz hummed. "Think that was Graham or Grace?"

"Does it matter?" the Doctor asked with a shrug. "Wise people gain wisdom from other wise people. And Grace... she was remarkable. Brilliant human. _Very_ practical footwear."

Yaz eyed her, then abruptly eyed her shoes. "Wait. Did you... _steal_ Grace's shoes?!"

"Not stolen! You bought them for me at that shop, remember? I just liked the style." She looked herself over. "Like I liked Ryan's hood-thing, with the layers," she continued, with wild hand motions. "And did you know? Graham has a whole _closet_ full of braces he doesn't wear. Probably presents from Grace. The long coat, though... that one's always me."

Yaz noticed the conspicuous omission, and gave the Doctor a sideways squint. "Are the rainbows for me?" she asked, with an exasperated sigh.

"Well. 'Representation' _is_ quite a big deal in your century," the Doctor said, as she smoothed down the brightly colored lapels of her coat. "I wanted you to like me," she admitted, as a sheepish afterthought.

Yaz shook her head and laughed a bit.

"What? It _worked_ ," the Doctor argued. "So anyway, much as I might try to distract you from it, Graham was right." She lifted her hands in a self-deprecating shrug. "Plenty of burdens, me. But I doubt I'm the only one. You've got your secrets, Yasmin Khan. Like why you're so good at spotting panic attacks." She saw Yaz start to withdraw, and leaned over to bump lightly against her, not letting her fully retreat. "Remember the last time we went on a walk in the woods? I shared, a bit. If you wanted to share, here, I'd listen. Just saying."

Yaz sighed heavily. "Yeah, I suppose that's fair."

"Not implying tit for tat," the Doctor insisted. "Just, sometimes those burdens are lighter when you're not the only one trying to carry them."

Yaz nodded, and they walked for a bit in silence, while Yaz struggled with the words tumbling in her brain. The Doctor kept an amiable quiet, eyeing the trees and the local fauna with interest.

"Sonya had to Google how to stop panic attacks," Yaz blurted. "That's why I know how to recover from them, because I kept having them. _And_ I ran away from home." She rolled her eyes at herself. "Didn't get very far. Only had a tenner and bus pass."

The Doctor waited, and watched Yaz kick at the trail in frustration. "What were you running from?" she asked, gently.

"Told a friend I thought I might like girls. Thought I could trust her. Shouldn't have. She told _everyone_ , and added a bunch of made-up stuff about me in the school locker room." She clenched her jaw in deep, long-remembered anger. "Didn't know what else to do, so I ran."

The Doctor was watching her in open heartbreak, but Yaz didn't dare meet her gaze. "Sonya called the police," Yaz continued with a shrug. "Made sure someone found me before I did anything too..." She hesitated. "Well, before I did anything, I guess. I'd walked for miles, and just sat, on a hill, and stared at the sky." She shook her head. "I dunno what I was gonna do, but it wasn't good. It felt like the world was just falling apart. Seems so stupid, now."

" _Not_ stupid," the Doctor interjected.

Yaz snorted. "It was a little stupid," she said. " _This_ world is falling apart. _These_ people are in real danger. I was just having a baby gay crisis and couldn't see beyond my own troubles."

"Doesn't make those troubles less real," the Doctor replied. "What you felt was real. And the strength it took to get through it - _that_ was real. Don't take that pain or overcoming it away from yourself."

That gave Yaz a moment's pause, and she cast a smile back in gratitude. "Yeah, okay," she murmured. "Can we go back sometime? I owe Constable Patel 50p."

" _Any_ time," the Doctor promised. Her face reflected plain curiosity, but she didn't dare interrupt whatever else Yaz wanted to say.

"She was right," Yaz concluded. "That _was_ just a moment, and it changed."

"Constable Patel sounds like a bright one." The Doctor stopped walking, and waited for Yaz to drift to a halt as well, before pitching her voice low. "Yaz, I'm so sorry you went through that."

Yaz ducked her head. "Yeah. 'Salright, though, isn't it? I'm here now, with you. I made it."

"That you did," the Doctor murmured. She took a careful step into Yaz's space, and put a gentle hand to her cheek. "My amazing Yaz."

Yaz still felt a bit daft and overdramatic, but she couldn't bring herself to argue with the sincere regard on the Doctor's face. "You're right - sharing does help," she said with a smile.

The Doctor hummed. "What would you tell your earlier self, if you could?"

"Asks my dear partner, who has a time machine?" Yaz asked, giving her a mildly skeptical look.

"Who would _never_ endanger the integrity of the timeline, even for the purposes of leaving encouraging messages for _her_ dear partner's younger self in the midst of a profound crisis," the Doctor scoffed. "Though I _have_ been known to leave strategic graffiti in places."

Yaz grinned, enjoying that idea. "I'd tell her, 'You're gonna be all right, just hold on. _She's_ out there, and she's amazing.'"

The Doctor savored that for a long moment, then leaned in and kissed Yaz's forehead. "I'd tell my earlier self the very same thing," she murmured.

They turned together toward the shadowy edge of a dense forest. Yaz felt a pang of trepidation that she tried to ignore, even as the Doctor's hand found hers.

"Right then. Onward," the Doctor said, without moving.

Yaz took a deep breath. "I'm with you, whatever happens," she said.

With that, they stepped into the shadows, picking their way into the dense foliage on their way to the ruins beyond.

* * *

Instead of making delighted curious noises, the Doctor had gone quiet and pensive as they approached the ruins. One of the towers still bore the scars of violent destruction, charred and crumbled in half, and the other looked spindly and tenuous in the faint breeze.

The Doctor waved around her sonic. "Like we thought - abandoned for thousands of years. Quantum energy readings from reactors below the surface."

"Are those dangerous?" Yaz asked.

"Terribly. But not generally in terms of immediate risk," the Doctor replied. "Looks like there's a network of reactors around the planet, all connected to generate the temporal lock. They're all suffering various states of failure."

"But the people who originally built this - they're still here, right? They've just changed over the years?"

"You're wondering why these towers are abandoned, and why the Science Guild doesn't know the things they used to?" the Doctor asked. She sighed. "Sometimes we forget to protect ourselves."

Yaz watched her, then surveyed the closest tower. "That looks like an entrance," she said, pointing to a gap that looked like a door. She put a hand to the Doctor's arm and started ahead, taking the opportunity to explore while giving the Doctor a bit of space to process. She ducked into the crumbling doorway and looked around in a bit of confusion. She'd been in a number of alien science facilities, but this reminded her more of a train station.

"This was an interplanetary transit hub," the Doctor said as she approached, as if aware of Yaz's thoughts. "Lots of space for waiting to go wherever you were gonna go." She gestured with her sonic. "Control room sort of thing over there."

They walked in, and a few panels sputtered to life under some sonic coaxing. The Doctor eyed the configuration and pushed some buttons idly as she waited for system reports to initialize.

Yaz found another panel, and scrolled through the last records, grateful for the TARDIS' psychic help in translating the text. "Passenger manifests," she murmured. "The last one says, 'Unknown error. Inbound transport failed."

"Must've been when the bomb went off," the Doctor said. That statement felt like a punch to the gut, and she took a moment to lean against the control screen. That was when she saw it.

"Ohh," she murmured. "That's not good."

Yaz stepped over while the Doctor brought the reactor view up onto the main screen. It looked like a massive explosion caught in freeze frame. "What happened?" Yaz asked.

"Not past tense," the Doctor said. "Happening now, still. Just in fits and starts." She turned back to the data flow from the control panel. "Because this planet has phasing in and out of a temporal lock, the quantum reactors have been flipping back and forth between stasis and catastrophic failure. _That_ is a reactor about to blow and take most of this structure with it. The other reactors won't be far behind."

Yaz could barely breathe. "What can we do?"

The Doctor shook her head. "Every tidal shift tears at the planetary stasis and risks letting that lose containment. I can stabilize it, but only if the planet ends up on one side of the temporal lock or the other - its inertia is what's killing it."

"We need to nudge the entire planet?" Yaz asked.

"In so many words," the Doctor said, as flipped the screen's view to the remainder of the reactors, all of which were still mercifully intact. "Need _leverage_ ," she muttered. "Generally fond of burning out stars for that sort of thing, but it wouldn't be quick enough." 

Leverage. 

_Leverage_.

Yaz snapped her fingers. "The TARDIS could be a fulcrum," she blurted, before immediately regretting it, sure she'd just said something completely stupid.

The Doctor blinked at her. "A fulcrum."

"You know - 'Give me a lever long enough...'" Yaz started.

"... and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world,'" the Doctor finished. "Yaz and Archimedes, still speaking my language." She grabbed Yaz and planted a kiss on her lips. "I can stabilize the energy output for a short time, and use the quantum signatures to tie the planetary reactors to the sun. Then we get the TARDIS in position and just push on the lever." She scampered off, heading toward a door that would lead her deeper into the facility. "Clever, amazing Yaz."

Relieved, Yaz trailed after, and nearly collided with the TARDIS when it materialized on the deck above the massive reactor bay.

Graham popped out of the TARDIS door a moment later. "Could give a lad some warning," he muttered.

"Sorry, Graham! Triggered the recall circuits," the Doctor exclaimed, twirling her sonic as if that were an explanation. She pushed past him, back into the TARDIS' console room. "Precious little time, gotta nudge a whole planet. You know."

Ryan emerged from the depths of the ship, rubbing his head. "We going somewhere?" he asked.

" _You_ are," the Doctor said. She completed a circuit of the console, made another, then backtracked a bit to fine tune some settings. "You lot need to take the TARDIS up into orbit, wander up between the planet and the sun, wait for the reactor discharge, then - poof. Nudge the planet."

"'Poof?'" Ryan repeated.

"Wait," Graham said. "If we're in the TARDIS, where will you be?"

Naturally, Yaz was already ahead of him. "You said the planet ends up on one side of the temporal lock or the other. Which is it?" she demanded.

"Dunno," the Doctor said. She gave Yaz a wistful look. "Won't know until it's done."

Graham and Ryan fell silent, neither sure about what the two women were talking about, but feeling the disconsolate loss in the precipice of the moment.

"No," Yaz declared. "We're not letting you go. You're not doing this."

"Has to be done," the Doctor replied. "Like someone steering the car while you're outside pushing," she said with a sad smile. "Yaz, this world needs us," she continued. "And I need it." A low rumble emerged from the reactor bay, and she looked at the TARDIS' sensors in alarm. "Not long, now."

_I need you,_ died, unspoken on Yaz's lips. She just looked at the Doctor with profound sadness.

"The temporal lock thing - it's not permanent, right?" Ryan asked.

"No, not permanent, in the sense of time being infinite," the Doctor replied. "The TARDIS could probably calculate how to overcome it in a few centuries."

"And fifty-fifty odds of landing on the same side of it, that sounds about fair," Graham said, trying to sound chipper.

The Doctor exhaled a tiny chuckle, and didn't bother to correct him. The odds were indescribably minute that she would manage to stage the exact cascade of energy in the exact magnitude and precise directionality to not obliterate the entire continent, but he didn't actually need to know that. The TARDIS would be far enough away that it would survive any temporal implosion they might accidentally trigger.

A single tear fell to Yaz's cheek before she surged forward to kiss her. The Doctor responded in kind, grasping at her in desperation, pouring a few lifetimes of feeling into the embrace.

Yaz broke away. "I love you," she declared, in a fierce whisper. "And if I have to wait a thousand years, I'll come back. I promise."

The Doctor closed her eyes, feeling a profound measure of peace in that declaration. "I love you, Yasmin Khan. I'll be waiting."

She nodded to Graham and Ryan, and kept her eyes on Yaz as she walked to the TARDIS door, then slipped out and gently shut the door behind her before patting the blue box in a fond goodbye. "Take care of them, old girl," she murmured, before turning and setting off at a run to start her calibrations.

* * *

Yaz tried to ignore the deeply worried looks she was getting from Graham and Ryan. "Right. We take off, position the TARDIS at the right distance, fire the engines to push against the quantum lever the Doctor is rigging, and we knock this planet back into the flow of time."

"Simple as that," Graham said.

Yaz took a second at the console to compose herself, fighting the profound urge to bolt right out the door. She took a breath, and flipped the lever to engage the engines.

The Doctor was counting on her. This planet was counting on them both. She would help, even if it broke her into a million pieces.

That's what the Doctor would do.

* * *

The Doctor watched the TARDIS fade away, and sent off one last wish for luck to her companions before she charged down into the reactor bay. She'd have to move quickly to rig all the bits that needed to leash against the sun's gravity, so she moved with singular purpose, feeling time literally slow around her.

In previous lives, she had been the prodigal child, the one who came back to Gallifrey now and again to stave off war, or hide the world away to protect her home. All of that felt wrong, now, as she set against the nearly insurmountable task of bending gravity and quantum reality itself by sheer force of will, remembering what the people of this world would not, all to save a home she might have never known.

This planet might not be part of her. It might not be home. It definitely wasn't Gallifrey. None of that mattered; she was _the Doctor_ , and she would brave down indescribable odds to save this place. She could feel a surge of the heady power and confidence so elusive to this particular incarnation of herself, as she choreographed her steps and measured her movements to change a frequency there, to offset a structural failure there. 

She could practically see the energy shooting from this world toward her beloved blue box, to the beloved humans within it. Toward Yaz, who fearlessly acted only to help her. She could envision the threads holding together time and space as they stretched and threatened to break, and she _held_ them together, with science and will and hope.

A resounding crack sent the reactor facility into sudden darkness. Sparks cascaded down around her, and everything went eerily silent.

She counted to ten, then took out her sonic screwdriver for a scan. The failing reactor was burned out, the temporal forces had eased, and the planet appeared to be stable.

They'd succeeded.

The Doctor let out a long, slow breath, and wondered which side of the time barrier she'd landed on.

* * *

She picked her way gingerly back through the woods, and eventually found the footpath she and Yaz had traversed earlier (in the day, in her life, in the inexorable flow of time).

For a moment the wind against her skin felt familiar, the sunlight through the trees more recognizable than a place she'd merely strolled through once before. The spot felt like something she'd known, like a path she'd traveled many times long ago, seen through the eyes of a child that had called this place home. There was birdsong on the wind, and if she let her eyes unfocus she could _just_ grasp hold of the memory at the edges of her mind.

She couldn't help but think of a tiny Yaz in a yellow bedroom, couldn't help but wonder about the integrity of memory over lifetimes - especially the lifetimes that seemed lost to her. 

Slowly, she turned, aware of another person standing with her on the path.

River smiled back at her. "Hello, sweetie," she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro tip: If you're a fangirl inclined to marry another fangirl, find yourself one who will wake you up to tell you that they're selling new Doctor Who action figures, and she's frantically trying to find you the set with Yaz. <3
> 
> (Found one, btw. She should arrive shortly.)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of answers, more questions, and some resolution.

She'd seen ghosts. Literal phantasms, literal dead people walking around. This was worse. She staggered.

"River..."

"Doctor," she replied, with a grin. " _Love_ the new look." Her good cheer faded quickly as she noticed the Doctor's obvious discomfort.

The Doctor had screwed her eyes shut. "Why are you here?" she whispered.

"For you, my love," River answered gently. "Always for you." She took a deep breath. "You know me, wandering around the timeline. I started doing some research... Starting visiting _you_ , in your various incarnations. Not that you would remember."

She stepped closer, keeping her movements small and careful, as if afraid the Doctor might bolt. " _This_ version of you seemed a bit lost."

"I was," the Doctor rasped.

River only nodded, and smiled gently. "Still, it's good to see you."

The Doctor couldn't return the sentiment. She just wilted a bit and tried not to cry.

"I quite like your new companions, by the way," River continued, with forced casualness. "Especially that Yaz. She's a bit of all right. And I'm glad you found someone you could grow with, even if neither of you are likely to get 'old.'"

"You shouldn't have done that to her," the Doctor rasped. "There was no way she could have properly consented to that."

River huffed a bit. "It was an _accident_ ," she said. "And a happy one, for both your sakes."

" _Definitely_ didn't need to make it quite so ominous or dramatic," the Doctor replied, finding strength in her indignation on Yaz's behalf. "Vanquishing the Oncoming Storm and whatnot." She shook her head. "Not that you've ever been known for subtlety."

At that, River paused and cocked her head, trying to decode that comment. "What do you mean?"

"That bit of Gallifreyan graffiti you've left scattered about," the Doctor said, with a vague wave of her hand. "The talisman on Baridi. 'The Timeless Child vanquishes the Oncoming Storm.' Or 'subdues,'" she added. "Context."

"Doctor..." River began, slowly. " _You_ are the Timeless Child. You did know that, right?"

The Doctor jerked in surprise. "What?!"

"Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me," River fumed. "Gallifreyan grammar... you can conjugate a dozen and a half verb tenses about how you might be sad about your pet fish that died on a Tuesday in another galaxy next year, but you can't manage a proper noun to save your life."

The Doctor stared at her, uncomprehending. "The Timeless Child _vanquishes_ the Oncoming Storm," she repeated.

"Because _you_ finally come to know yourself," River concluded. "That's what I meant, about finding all those incarnations of you - even the ones you don't know about, yet." She stepped closer, giving the Doctor a pitying look. "Don't get me wrong. Yaz is brilliant, but _you're_ the only one who can heal _you_."

"I don't understand," the Doctor murmured.

"I know," River replied. "But that's why I'm here. I have a gift for you." She held up her hand. "May I?"

The Doctor eyed her with plain trepidation, but nodded.

* * *

It started, as these things tended to, with a pocket watch.

It was a bauble of time, in the most literal sense possible. As an archeologist (occasionally inclined toward brazen thievery), it pulled at River Song from across galaxies, from across the burning patterns of time itself.

She found herself in London, 1977. Her research had brought her here, to the reading room of the British Library, watching a most remarkable woman wearing a most anachronistic waist coat toy idly with a pocket watch dangling from a sparkly silver fob.

River wandered closer, eyeing the stack of manuscripts on the table. She counted eight different languages, representing as many different centuries and topics.

"A little light reading?" River asked, with her usual flirtatious smile.

The woman looked up at her through pince-nez glasses, and gave her a kind of curious once-over. "Not looking to be chatted up, love," she said bluntly, before returning to her reading.

River was more curious than offended. She wandered away, snagged a book from another reader's stack, and hid in the far corner of the reading room to spy on that woman, and that absolutely mesmerizing watch as it twirled and caught the light. She might have even trailed the woman as she traipsed out of the Library at closing hours and wandered into a pub that definitely wasn't a pub and _was_ very definitely a time ship with a particularly creative chameleon circuit.

River watched, dumbfounded, as the pub disappeared. She set her own vortex manipulator to track it, and ended up on a most remarkable chase through the universe.

It didn't take long for her to decide this person was a Time Lord, but it did take her a rather embarrassingly long time to realize it was _the Doctor_. Somehow the woman was both maddeningly familiar and completely different, and her pocket watch was the least interesting thing about her.

When the Doctor finally shook her pursuit in the midst of a late-era Rutan civil uprising, River reconsidered her approach.

_This_ Doctor hadn't recognized her. _This_ Doctor was not one of the twelve incarnations she'd grown so fond of over the eons. And so, she did what she was metaphorically best at: she dug.

She plunged herself into accounts of nameless visitors across scores of planets, tracking them enough to verify her suspicions. She discovered evidence of an ancient spacefaring race known as the Shabogan, and she befriended one of their explorers. She heard tale of a remarkable alien child who had been brought to Gallifrey, whose (stolen) gifts would be harnessed to uplift them all.

And when she found a planet with a damaged temporal shield trying unsuccessfully to hide from time, she knew she'd found the source, the truth of someone she'd known for longer than time itself.

* * *

The Doctor yanked herself away, breaking the connection as she staggered. " _No_. I know my life. I know who I am."

River waited.

"Don't I?" 

Then she crumpled, falling under the weight of revelation. River lunged forward to catch her, eased her to her knees, smoothed her hair, and murmured nonsense while the Doctor regained her equilibrium.

"There were so many..." the Doctor wheezed, overwhelmed by the sheer number of unknown-but-familiar faces in River's recollection.

River winced in sympathy, and kept making soothing motions against the Doctor's shoulders. 

"It wasn't all one-sided," River murmured. "If that helps. They didn't just take from you. They also gave you something back. Superior organic reference material for regeneration, an extra heart. But make no mistake. _You're_ the origin. You're the inception of the Time Lords. But you are not fully of them. You're unique. Not the last of your kind. The _only_ of your kind."

The Doctor rallied and pushed herself upright, taking a deep breath. "How many more of me are out there?"

River shook her head. "I don't have those answers. But say I did. Would they even help?"

"Of course they would," the Doctor spat. "All this? It means I'm not who I thought I was."

"Because your memories aren't compatible with what you've learned today," River continued.

" _Yes_."

"Have you _ever_ been limited by who you were before?"

The Doctor reeled again, just a bit, and tried to focus on River's image as it swam in front of her.

"And who you are now - the person you've become. The person you are with Yaz. Is that somehow not enough?" River tsked a bit. "Come now, Doctor. We both know you contain multitudes. This isn't even the most interesting thing that's happened to you _this week_."

The Doctor couldn't focus, with all the chatter in her head. So many versions of herself, all talking at once... River's ongoing monologue was an indistinct buzzing far, far away.

" _This_ is my gift to you. I'm sorry it's only fragments, and not the complete picture. But it's _you_. More of you than you ever had before. And this place is as much your home as Gallifrey ever was - and now you've saved it." She turned serious, for a moment, and grabbed hold of the Doctor's lapels to hold her steady. "There's something more. Something that I couldn't uncover. More of you that I was not able to decode and follow. This is the part you need to remember most: The Division. The Matrix might know more, but don't trust it. The Matrix is what hid all this from you."

"The Matrix?" the Doctor said. It was too much, too noisy...

"In time. But for now, you can't remember this meeting, anymore than you remember the dozen times before." River leaned in, and kissed her, sweet and slow.

When she broke away, the Doctor was kneeling, dazed, her eyes closed and her mouth hanging slightly open, her lips discolored by just a hint of hallucinogenic lipstick.

For a long, breathless moment, River was tempted to stay. To hell with the timeline. To hell with the undoing of the continuum itself. _This_ Doctor was somehow the same as she'd always known and yet the culmination of a great deal more, and she found herself desperately wanting to roam the universe at the Doctor's side and see what trouble they could get up to.

But... she'd done what she needed to. She'd set time right. _This_ Doctor had what she needed to find wholeness and contentment. _This_ Doctor had Yaz.

She sighed and rose to leave. "Goodbye, my love," she murmured.

* * *

Sometime much later, the Doctor started, realizing she'd (ironically) lost track of time, engrossed in all the little bits of her past this planet had shaken loose in her mind. 

She had so many questions, and an absolutely astonishing headache to accompany them.

What did the ancient Time Lords do to her? Why had she lost so much only to suddenly regain it here, now? She could only assume that exposure to the damaged temporal reactors had jogged her consciousness in a major way. Could the Matrix answer questions she never knew to ask before?

Was this world back within the normal flow of time, or tucked safely behind its previous temporal lock?

_What_ was The Division? Why did it leave an itchy spot in her brain that she needed to understand?

_Where was Yaz?_

She pushed herself to her feet, and started walking back toward the town. While the planet was safe, she needed the Science Guild's help to figure out where and when they'd ended up. She could travel to the other reactors scattered around the globe and use them to punch open a quantum portal, if she needed to.

She would find her fam.

... or, just as likely, _they_ would find _her_.

She'd made it to the town square, and was just about to find Chene to talk over the many discoveries of the day when she heard it: the groaning, rhythmic sounds of her very favorite temporal engines.

The Doctor laughed, dizzy with relief, as the TARDIS materialized, the door screeched open, and Yaz burst out to tackle her in a profound, breath-stealing hug.

"Doctor!" Yaz exclaimed. "I'm _so_ sorry that took so long. Pulling the planet into the flow of time triggered all kinds of emergency systems on the TARDIS - paradox alerts and proximity alerts and a lot of radio chatter from curious galactic neighbors... Right mess out there. We couldn't land straight away."

She pulled away, noticing the dazed look on the Doctor's face. "Are you all right?" she asked, belatedly. "We weren't _actually_ gone for a thousand years, were we?"

The Doctor smiled a bit, rather overcome. "Nah, Yaz. Right on time, as always." She cast a look over Yaz's shoulder, to Graham and Ryan. "Graham, you'll want to find your mates in the Science Guild, and get them to re-check their readings. Ryan, you should find that lass from the other day and ask her on a date."

When the boys set off, the Doctor lifted gentle, trembling hands to Yaz's face. "And you, Yasmin Khan, really ought to kiss me."

Yaz exhaled a laugh and obliged her. The Doctor sunk into the embrace and let their mutual touch act as a palliative respite, a salve for all the inflamed spots of her psyche rubbed raw from far too much revelation.

The Doctor broke away, panting. "Yaz," she breathed. "I remember. So much, so many... I remember _me_."

"What?" Yaz asked. "That's amazing, but what happened? Why now?"

"Dunno," the Doctor replied. She slumped against Yaz's solid form with a sigh. "So much to tell you."

Yaz clung to her gently. "Well, I'm here to listen," she murmured, petting the Doctor's bent head. "Always."

She got the Doctor seated on a low wall, fished the packet of biscuits from her coat pockets, and tutted until the Doctor agreed to eat them.

The air around them had started to change, as the Science Guild reported the dramatic dispersal of the tidal shearing forces that had threatened the planet. Skepticism tempered their elation, but for now it felt like a wave of hope had crested and broken over them all. 

Exhausted, the Doctor curled against Yaz in quiet lassitude, murmuring now and then as her mind wandered through a dozen new lifetimes.

Yaz paid careful attention, even as she could hear music, and chatter, and what seemed like the beginnings of a serious party brewing nearby. She spotted Chene approaching with tentative steps, and waved the other woman over.

Chene closed the remaining distance, giving the women a thoughtful look. "We are finding evidence that our world is healed," she said. "I cannot help but think that you had something to do with that."

Yaz grinned. "Our pleasure," she said.

Chene shook her head in some disbelief. "We will never be able to adequately convey our gratitude," she murmured. "We are but strangers to you, and we will ever be in your debt."

"About that," the Doctor said, rousing from her spot tucked against Yaz. "The 'stranger' bit, that is. Would quite like to chat. It can wait for a while, though."

"Well, we seem to have a great deal of time, thanks to you," Chene replied, with a broad smile. "You are welcome to celebrate with us, of course."

They offered their thanks, but didn't immediately follow Chene back into the lively swirl of dancing and noise.

Yaz took a moment to savor this feeling - the Doctor's warm weight against her, the chill of the impending evening breeze, the profound happiness and satisfaction of helping so many people, including her beloved partner. She noticed a lull in the town activity, and cast her eyes to Chene climbing the steps of the common house and summoning everyone's attention.

Chene said a few words about celebration, the joy they had due to the visitors who had helped them, and the honor they'd like to share, taught to them by another visitor from some time ago, who had come to them and spoke of hope in the face of adversity.

She called the town's children to the steps alongside her. Yaz grinned at the sight of Frehil wearing a stiff, ceremonial dress, looking very serious as she and her peers started to sing.

It took a few notes for the Doctor to jerk beside her in recognition. "Yaz, do you hear that?" she asked, breathless.

Yaz frowned. "I do," she said, warily. "What am I hearing?"

The Doctor breathed shallowly, shut her eyes, and tried to catch every single syllable. "It's me," she said. "It's my name. She taught them my name."

Yaz slid to kneel in front of her, reaching for her hands. "Who taught them? River?"

It was the obvious answer, and the Doctor could only nod, turning her ears toward the sound as if it were the most fragile, most rare and precious thing in the entire universe.

When the song faded on the wind, the Doctor heaved a sob, as a couple tears tumbled down her cheeks. Yaz reached to wipe them gently away.

The Doctor opened her eyes, then, and looked down at Yaz, barely able to articulate a very profound and sad kind of joy. "She taught them, and they sang it, and you heard them," she whispered. "You _heard_ them."

Yaz couldn't help her own happy tears. "I don't understand," she said.

"I know. I _know_." She sighed again. "I'll try to explain." She leaned down to kiss Yaz. "We're a little bit married, though."

"We're _what?!_ "

The Doctor just laughed against her lips, low and raspy, until tears blurred her vision entirely.

* * *

The next morning, after one hell of a party, the town was slowly winding down in the pre-dawn quiet. The Doctor and Yaz hadn't left each other's company, even as they danced alongside Graham, Ryan, and the many, many new friends they'd made on this newly-peaceful world.

Dawn broke, and the Doctor smiled into the pinkish rays as they slowly made their way back to the TARDIS, hand in hand. "Hey, Yaz," she murmured, tugging her gently to a stop. "Listen. Have a thing to ask you."

Yaz smiled, easy and relaxed from the local fermented fruit drink she'd discovered hours earlier. She leaned in to give the Doctor a kiss. "Yeah?" she said.

"This place... I joked, once, that there isn't a lot of Time Lord therapy sessions available. But I think these people could help. Help _me_. I'd like to stay for a bit. Maybe help them remember their own history, the bits they've lost, and they can return the favor."

Yaz tilted her head. "Yeah, of course."

"It's like I have an anchor, now. Like you have, in Sheffield. A place to be who you've always been?" The Doctor sighed. "Dunno if that makes sense. But with you, I get to see who I'm going to be next. That's new. And it's way less scary than it used to be. So, listen. I'll take you and the boys back to Earth..."

Yaz was ready to object before she even finished the sentence.

"But I wonder if, after that, you might come back here with me?" the Doctor continued in a quick ramble, trying not to lose her nerve. "For a while? Possibly a long while, really. That seems like a lot to ask, so that's why I'm askin'."

Yaz regarded her with a quiet kind of peace, knowing her answer from deep down inside. "Wither thou goest, I too will go," she quoted.

The Doctor exhaled in relief. "Ah, changing it up. Biblically, even. Book of Ruth. Brilliant," she said, then scowled. "Oh. I think I _was_ a woman named Ruth, once. I just remembered that. How strange."

Yaz laughed, and gathered her up to hug her as hard as she could.

* * *

Off in the shadows where dawn had not yet reached, River watched them step into the TARDIS, off to encounter a future she couldn't intersect. "Live great lives," she bid them, quietly, before turning and disappearing into the vortex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually really liked Series 12 and the reinvention of the Doctor as this Timeless entity with somehow even more baggage than before. I just prefer my canon-bending revelations with a side of healing, joy, and pretty ladies making out. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, if you're out there. Hope to catch you in another story sometime.


End file.
